It seems like it has taken forever and your application to adopt a baby, child or sibling group with your state has been signed, sealed and delivered for weeks now. You have tried hard to not dwell on the subject and move forward with life. All the while knowing you have placed your heart on the line.
During this waiting period you would have been smart to make doctor appointments and had you health checked. Most often this is simply routine and something we should do every year anyway. Disabled families are welcome to adopt and often seen as strong parents for a child with special needs.
If you have any history of trauma, depression or life experiences which are dramatic you might have also decided to meet with your therapists or established a relationship with a new therapists. Many families who choose to adopt hurt children have a history which makes this kind of adoption a calling of the heart. It is very common for couples who have experienced difficult lives as children or experienced trauma as adults to want to adopt children waiting in the foster care system.
Most state adoption workers understand many families choose this path due to their own life experiences. Often people who have had hard and painful pasts are in fact the best parents for a child who started life on the hard track. The state will want to be sure of the motivations and that you have healed from your past. Suffering from a past life loss, abuse or mental health issues is NOT seen as a negative with the state, as long as, the parents have properly managed the life events and had good treatment for them.
In fact, parents who have had a hard life and dealt with their own issues in a healthy way are often viewed as the kind of parents who will not avoid finding whatever help a child might need. Those of us who have been at the bottom and found our way out with good therapy are the kinds of parents who see the value in therapy and accept the fact our child may have some issue they need to over come themselves.
Your state adoption application likely had several questions about your childhood, and your relationship with your family members as an adult. Some questions were very personal and asked about events in your life and how you managed them. You will have disclosed the fact you suffered something and how you dealt with it. You will have answered why you want to adopt a child who was removed from the care of their birth family.
Seeking a good therapists during your home study process is a great way to continue to show stability and commitment to parenting a hurt child. It also offers you an opportunity to have personal emotional support by a professional. A good therapists will be able to help you decide what made you think you would be a stable and good parent for a child who has suffered neglect, abuse and loss of their birth parents. Your visits with a therapists will also help you manage the stress of the adoption process and provide you with another resource of proof that you are an able person open to therapy when times are difficult.
Many states require a psychological evaluation of potential adoptive parents who have any background of loss or trauma. Adults who were once in foster care as children are often asked to have evaluations. People who have lost a child, or been unable to biologically have children are often required to show how they have overcome the feelings they have about their past. Adults who were sexually abused as children or who no longer have relationships with their own families will often be asked to have evaluations.
It is nothing personal. It is simply to be sure the state places children with families who have an understanding and foundation to best advocate for the child’s needs in the future. It is very important during your home study interviews to be honest about your past. It is far more positive to have a horrible past and have dealt with it then it is to be caught in a lie or not providing true information. If you have anything in your own life history that may indicate you should have a psychological evaluation it is best to establish a relationship with a therapists during the early stages of your state adoption journey. Thinking ahead and planning for the needs of your family is an important sign that a couple will be the right parents for a hurt child.
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For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.