The thing about going through the school of hard knocks, is that it can bring us a great deal of experience and wisdom, but it can also make us rigid and wary of taking chances. I have yet to meet a single parent who has “been through the wringer” who doesn’t wrestle a bit with staying open and continuing to try new things, people and take risks. Some us may blame our risk-taking behaviors for leading us to where we are in life and believe that if we exercise more self-control, we will avoid future problems. Somehow, we have to learn how to strike a balance between learning from our mistakes, and being afraid to make any new ones.
The other day, I wrote about how I really wish that people would NOT tell single parents to “stop being picky” in the dating department–I really do feel strongly that many of us have earned the right to be picky and it is actually quite smart to be careful and considerate in deciding who we are going to invite into our lives and into the lives of our children. BUT, this is not a mandate to close ourselves off from the world and not take any chances at all. Even if we have been on five dates with people who were completely wrong for us, that doesn’t mean that we will never meet someone who is appropriate. Just because we have been through one divorce or made a poor choice or ended up in a horrid job–that does not mean that every other choice we make, job we take, or relationship we get into will end up the same way. Learning from our mistakes does not mean that we cut ourselves off from everything, it means that we learn where we went wrong, what we can and cannot control, and hope that things go differently the next time out of the gates.
I know first-hand how tough it is to stay open and keep trying. I find that reminding myself that some of the most successful people in the world made dozens of “mistakes” and failures before they landed upon what worked for them, helps me to keep perspective. Think of the field of science–scientists don’t usually strike success with their first experiment–it takes years of trial and error and process to find the cure for something or to even make a breakthrough. Staying open and enjoying the process can help keep you from becoming a rigid, closed-off single parent.
Also: Allowing Yourself to Be Comforted