When you get divorced the last thing on your mind is getting married again. You feel overwhelmed, even if your ex husband didn’t help very much with the kids at least he helped sometimes, now you are on your own. You may find at first that you want to date, I think we all feel like undesirable failures when our marriage ends so we date, if only to show ourselves that someone still wants to date us.
Initially there is nothing serious about the dating you do. For me, in the beginning, dating was a way to fill the hours when Hailey wasn’t home. It got me out of the house and I was meeting new people. I wasn’t seriously thinking about any of those people staying in my life, I was just enjoying their company. After a while I realized it wasn’t fair to date people when I wasn’t looking for anything serious so I stopped dating for a while.
When I was ready to start dating again the thing that always held me back was that someone would become Hailey’s stepfather. I wasn’t sure what that meant, or what I wanted it to mean. I didn’t think I was ready for another man to come into my daughter’s life, to help discipline her, to try to parent her.
I was raised by my mother and stepfather and while there are millions of stories out there about horrible step parents, I love my dad, he has been a wonderful father to me. However, my mother made it clear early on that we were her kids, although she would occasionally threaten us with “Wait till your father gets home!” That threat didn’t really hold water, my dad was not a hands on parent, he pretty much let my mother make all the decisions about how we were raised.
I wasn’t sure just how a new husband for me would fit into our lives, or even if I wanted one to. I fluctuated a lot, I didn’t want to be alone, I wanted companionship but I didn’t want to share my time with Hailey. I think to as the mother of young children you have to be wary, people are not always who they appear to be. Hailey’s safety was always my first priority.
Now my darling daughter is eighteen, I guess I can start dating without the added stress of wondering how someone will fit into our lives. I just hope I still remember how.