After going through a divorce or death of a spouse, chances are you will one-day, begin to date and perhaps even marry. For you, the prospect of starting life over again is a beautiful opportunity but keep in mind that even if your children love your fiancé and vice versa, marrying him is viewed by the children somewhat differently from you. Therefore, if you are planning to marry, it is important you prepare your children, answering questions and being honest about the changes to expect.
Although it is difficult for the kids to grow up without a father, most people have heard the horror stories associated with stepfathers. However, some men make excellent stepfathers, being protective, nurturing, and loving to your children. Obviously, the most important thing is that he knows your children and they know him. Far too often, women will become wrapped up in the dating and romance, marrying quickly. Unfortunately, this throws the kids into a home with a virtual stranger who is now the “father figure”.
The first step is to date long enough so the kids and your fiancé have time to build a strong relationship. On this foundation, the family can grow and get through obstacles together. In addition, remember that sometimes, children see things we miss. Now, while that does not mean the man in your life is bad or the wrong choice, but if your children show signs of concerns, withdrawal, or for some reason have a problem opening up to him, you need to find out why. It might be that they do not like him for one reason or another, or perhaps they are not ready to be in a stepparent family.
Obviously, your children will need to feel loved, protected, and respected. On occasion, having a stepfather in the home can make the children feel as if they are now taking the back seat t to your relationship and their place within the home. After all, the new addition is probably going to be more exciting to you than it is to the kids. Again, dating long enough for the family to mesh is critical to a successful stepparent family.
Then, it is also important that you not go around changing all the rules. Remember, your kids are accustomed to certain routines and by changing, everything or too much, they will feel confused but worse, resentment toward their new “father”. Sure, new rules will be made but make these slowly and talk to your kids about how they feel regarding some of the changes. Be fair and let things develop over time. Bringing a new stepfather into the home is not an impossible situation but it can be challenging so be patient.
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