This must be national Scared Straight week for potential future stepmoms and blended families! It seems like everywhere I turn, various popular TV shows are featuring some really scary stories about stepmoms-gone-wrong. In case the notion of the Wicked Stepmother wasn’t already burned into our social subconscious, this week will firm it up!
Highlights from this week:
Dr. Phil: On today’s show, titled The Final Ultimatum Dr. Phil features a stepmom who hates her stepdaughter. Yes, you read that correctly, she seriously hates the child. She refers to her as a “little thing” or a “monster”. Thank goodness that the child no longer resides in the home. The stepmom suggests if the child returns, she will leave the marriage. Good riddance, I say. Did I mention the “little thing” is only six years old?? And, apparently, the stepdaughter says the feelings are mutual. The stepmom admits on the show that she seriously wants to kill the child, in the literal sense. Wow, you don’t get more sensationalist or dysfunctional than that. Dr. Phil advises the husband to separate from his wife, bring his daughter home (who is currently living with friends since her biological mother is in a persistent vegetative state) and get the child some help to overcome the alienation toward the stepmom that the biological mother accomplished before her brain injuries and then work on reunification of the marriage. Good advise. Scary scary situation. I have to say, though, I think it is courageous and exceptionally honest (if not entirely distrubing) for any stepmom to go on national television and admit to the world that she will harm this child if she is left alone with her again.
ABC News PRIMTIME: Inside Violent Stepfamily Feuds: Primetime did a special reality tv peak into two blended families. 15 cameras were set up in two homes for months. The results, as aired, were somewhat horrifying. They were sensationalist, for sure. They didn’t show the good times, the happy times, and the functional times. Instead they focused on the extreme dysfunction, verbal abuse, emotional and physical abuse. The stepmom featured most prominently was so angry and upset during arguments that her biological children were often fearful, one scene showed one young child leading the others in prayers during the heated arguments. The stepdaughter later admitted that no child wants a replacement mother – one of many truths about stepdaughters. In fact, Dr. Papernow, who appeared on the show, discussed how children, particularly daughters, have loyalty binds to their biological mothers. To love their stepmom means to betray their biological mother. She also admitted that she frequently injured herself and blamed it on the stepmom. There was also jealous on the stepmom’s end as she struggled with her stepdaughter’s popularity with her own biological children. It was as if she felt she was vying against her stepdaughter for the title of “most loved” amongst her biological children. And what do we find out at the end of all this violence, horrific dysfunction, anger, sadness, resentment and chaos? A reassurance that so much of this is normal stepfamily dynamics. WOW!
If you are reading this as a potential future stepmother, be reassured that these are exceptions to the rule. Stepfamilies will soon outnumber traditional families in America. Obviously very few families are this dysfunctional or violent. In fact, I’d be willing to guess that the Primetime families weren’t anywhere near as dysfunctional or violent as they were portrayed. Regardless, it always pays to go into any new family configuration with full knowledge and awareness. Preparation is the key to avoiding the hostility shown by stepmoms in the media lately.