All parents work hard at being a parent. It’s not easy to give up hours of sleep because your child needed you, and then head into work the next morning. It can be frustrating to have your child going through a “difficult stage”, no matter if that stage is due to age, personality, or just the result of a really bad day. When your child is in a public place, and behaving in ways that make people stop and stare, it can be completely embarrassing, for you, the parent. These are the moments when you are going to be the least receptive to the unwanted words of wisdom that comes from the adults around you.
The biggest difference between parents of children who are considered “typical”, and parents of children who have a special need is that your child is more likely to have a meltdown that will not be easily understood by most people. For whatever reason, these are the types of situations that cause complete strangers to butt in and make comments that often are much more shocking and disturbing than the actual meltdown that your child is having.
It can be difficult to know what to say when some supposedly well intentioned person says something completely inappropriate to you. I think there are basically two ways to go with an answer. You can either try and educate them, or you can get angry with them. I’ll leave you to decide which way is best, depending on the specific situation you happen to be in.
“What’s wrong with him?”
I hate this question because it implies that having a special need is somehow “wrong”. A good general answer is: “There isn’t anything wrong with him”. You could follow that up with a deeper explanation of the particular special need, or needs, that your child has, if you want to. When children ask this question, they usually aren’t doing so out of malice. They notice some differences between themselves and your child and are curious about why those differences exist. In this case, I would advise answering with age appropriate explanations about the special need that your child has.
“It’s wonderful that you are so good with him. I could never be as patient as you are!”
This can be frustrating to hear. No one wants their efforts pointed out by someone who seems to be gloating over what they consider to be their own good fortune. This is especially true if you are going through a difficult moment when this statement is made, and your child is yelling, throwing things, or possibly even hitting you. The best way I’ve found to stop this conversation is to smile at that person, and then completely ignore them.
Image by Michael Himbeault on Flickr