Having kids that fight is tough in any home but when you are the only parent trying to keep peace makes it even more challenging. Having just one child is completely different from having two. Then, when you consider that children each have a unique personality, there will be clashes. My own kids actually got along extremely well but I was a single parent and we did have some sibling rivalry. However, I realized early on that it had to be under control or I was going to lose my mind.
With more than one child in the house, there will be life lessons about sharing, confidence, loving, cooperating, and even being friends. As the parent, you have the responsibility to provide guidance for your children so they learn that it is okay to be different and have unique opinions but that fighting and bickering is not okay. I started very early with my son and daughter. When they would begin the fighting or being competitive, I would sit them down in front of me, look them square in the eyes, and say, “This behavior is not accepted in this house.”
In other words, there was no discussion. I took the position as the authority figure, letting them know that in this house, we did not behave that way. I was actually shocked that they listened – for the most part. Believe me – we had our days when sibling rivalry raised its ugly head, but with persistency and consistency, they learned that the bickering was simply not allowed. Being a single parent mean you will have a new list of challenges so the last thing you need is more frustration from two fighting kids.
The key to successful parenting of kids is to take a proactive stance instead of a reactive one. Most often, and I have heard many of my friends doing this with their own kids, is they make empty threats. For instance, the kids are sitting on the floor, bickering back and forth about nothing of great importance. My friend steps in with something like, “IF you don’t stop that, I’ll send you to your room”. I remember thinking after hearing that same sentence five times, when is she going to act?
Making idle threats or negative remarks about your children such as “You’re driving me insane”, is damaging. Instead of making the fighting and bickering better, it only worsens the situation. Now, remember that children are going to be children so you need to pick your battles wisely. In fact, you should allow the children time to work the situation out between them first but if you notice things getting out of control, then you must step in.
Rather than start with a negative approach, say something like, “I know that you two can work this out. I’m going to give you five minutes and when I come back, I want you each to tell me your solution.” Now, the competition turns from each other to working together to create a unique solution that you will approve. If you do need to step in to stop sibling rivalry, use the old rule of asking the child once, telling the child once, and then taking action.
“The Pain and the Great One” by Judy Blume