We’ve all been there. It’s been a long day, your child has been driving you up the wall, they’re not listening to a word you say, and you can feel your blood begin to boil. Even the smallest mishap causes you to raise your voice and your back to feeling guilty for it a moment later. We’ve all had these moments from time to time. Being a parent isn’t easy, and we all slip up every once in a while. Next time you start feeling the tension rise try one of these simple solutions to stop the yelling even before it begins.
Close your eyes and take a deep breath, in and out, in and out. Give yourself a moment to calm down and collect your thoughts. If you need to go take a “mommy time out” before dealing with the situation, take it!
Raising your voice doesn’t help you get the point across. Most of the time your children focus more on the volume than they do what is actually being said. Get down on their level, look them in the eyes, and use a firm but calm voice. Show them that you are very serious about what you are saying. Also, don’t use empty threats. If you tell them they aren’t going to get dessert unless they eat all of their dinner, don’t give in. If you give in even once, they are going to learn that “if I whine enough, I’m going to get what I want” and they will continue the poor behavior. Follow through, if you don’t your kids are going to call your bluff, and when they do you are both going to be frustrated and this often leads to yelling on both ends. Avoid it all together by simply having clear rules and following through with the consequences.
Usually when your children are acting out it is because they haven’t found a productive way to express how they are feeling. Instead of yelling at them for throwing a temper tantrum, sit them down and help them put words to their feelings. “I know you are feeling mad because you had to come inside for dinner. It’s ok to be mad, but it’s not ok to slam the door.” This shows that you understand what they are feeling, but still tells them that it is not ok to behave that way, all without yelling.
Make sure both you and your child are getting enough sleep. The number one reason children throw temper tantrums is because they are tired. The more well-rested they are, the better they will behave. Likewise the more well-rested you are the longer you will be able to keep your cool when your children start misbehaving, and the easier you will be able to catch yourself before you start yelling.