Do you feel safe letting your children play outdoors? For many parents, the answer is “no.” Many of us grew up playing freely in the country, the suburbs, and even urban areas. Yes, there were dangers, but overall, my parents let me play outside. My mom was a super worrier, yet by the age of eight or nine I was allowed to roam freely within a radius of four or five blocks, riding my bike through the neighborhood, climbing trees, and exploring the fruit trees at the old, burned-out farmhouse a couple of blocks away. I remember biking through the neighborhood, relishing my freedom. Riding a bike still brings back these memories.
Today I sent my daughter across the street to knock on a neighbor’s door. She wanted to play on the swings between our two houses. We live in a townhouse complex, so the street is small and slow, but my daughter is only four years old. Since she was just under three, my daughter has been playing outside with the other children in our townhouse complex. Granted, most of the time I was right at the kitchen window and she was directly in front of it. This past summer, we set out slightly larger boundaries and she was allowed to roam outside of our view, as long as she let me know where she was going.
I believe that kids need to explore their neighborhood places on their own terms. They need to play outdoors without parents right beside them, so that they can pretend and play and get dirty and challenge themselves – by themselves, or with other children. By doing this, they connect with natural places, they learn how to rely on themselves and to make decisions, and they learn how to work with others without constant parental mediation.
However, I’m not the norm, at least not in my city. Structured activities have taken the place of independent exploration, and a lot of this stems from fear. As parents, we fear that our children will be hurt when we’re not there. That someone could hurt them. I believe that we also fear down time a little, because I too have the urges to register my child in classes that are good for her instead of letting her play outside. So I issue a challenge to myself, each and every day: how can I prepare my child to play freely, and how can I challenge myself to let her go?
For those of us who live in cities or in the suburbs, what are appropriate boundaries for our preschoolers? That depends where you are, of course. If you’re in an apartment and you need to walk to your nearest park, then you’ll need to accompany your child. But how far do you let her roam at that park? If you’re in the suburbs, is your child allowed to play in the back yard without supervision? How about the front? How about the street in front of your house?
We have the best understanding of our own child’s capacity for judgment. However, I’d argue that we also help develop that judgment. We do this by street-proofing our kids and helping them through scenarios so that they can make good independent decisions. We do this by being there in the home to connect with them when they fall down, or when they’re excluded or hurt by a friend. And I believe we also develop their judgment by allowing them to work things out on their own, while supporting them in their struggle to make good decisions.
How comfortable do you feel about your child playing outside in your neighborhood?