As a single parent, I admit that I do sometimes feel judged–judged by teachers, by my children’s father and his new partner, by other people, and certainly by my own children. The truth is, however, as long as I am doing the best that I can, I also need to learn how to be strong enough to withstand the judgment and be true to myself regardless…
I know that for many of us this is easier said than done. I admit that it irks me when I hear that my parenting is being questioned and picked apart by my kids’ “other” family or by a coworker or whoever. But, I imagine this is just the way of things–while not everyone has and shares their opinions and judgments about things, there are definitely those who do, and single parents seem to be prime and fair targets for all that judgment.
We don’t have to play along, however, and we can just ignore it. Sometimes, there may be comments and judgment that is warranted or can be helpful, but we have to take it all with a grain of salt. After all, unless someone is walking in our shoes and living our lives, how would they know? I used to get very agitated in the early days of single parenthood when people offered unsolicited advice or, particularly, when my ex-husband tried to tell me what was “wrong” with my parenting style–as if we were still married. Over the years, however, I grew stronger and more confident in my parenting and quite comfortable as a single parent. A big part of this means being able to believe in myself and my family and do what I think is right regardless of what everyone else thinks I should be doing. It takes focus and effort, and a big dose of self-compassion, but we single parents have to be strong enough to withstand all that judgment from elsewhere!
Also: Wrestling with Identity