This month I’m going to share with you a few very special stories about surprise babies. There are no such things as “accidents” when it comes to babies, only unexpected blessings. Sometimes we have a hard time accepting the timing of these little bundles, but children have a way of stealing our hearts despite the circumstances. Sometimes the timing is nothing short of miraculous! I look forward to telling you the story of Heather and her precious little girl, Lily. Heather overcame countless obstacles in her TTC journey and her pregnancy was nothing short of a miracle. I will be interviewing her this month and hopefully a few other mothers who have amazing stories to tell about their pregnancies. (If you have a miracle baby story you would like to share, please contact me!)
Today I’m going to talk about something that has been on my heart lately: how do you help a friend cope with an unexpected pregnancy when it is unwelcome? If the pregnancy is your own, how do you deal with all the questions and accolades when all you feel like doing is breaking down? There are many reasons an unexpected pregnancy can feel like a curse; health complications, financial crisis and family issues are just a few examples of issues that can make pregnancy extremely stressful. Perhaps you have had a traumatic experience with birth or the loss of a child. Sometimes it appears that there is not a dime in the bank to put towards diapers or baby clothes. Your marriage might be on the rocks or you might be already caring for a family member that requires a great deal of your attention. As cute as babies are, sometimes it seems like they are the last thing we can add to our plate.
It’s a good thing we are given three quarters of a year to prepare for new arrivals. I don’t even want to imagine a world where storks actually dropped babies on doorsteps without warning. It gives us time to do things like:
1. Talk to your doctor about your fears concerning complications or health problems. Take the time to research and plan. Come up with a game plan for prevention and treatment.
2. Talk to a financial advisor and get a “money makeover.”
3. Get family counseling to repair relationships and work on marriages.
4. Ask for help with caring for family members and making arrangements.
5. Save up for extended maternity leave.
6. Work with a counselor to resolve fears, heal wounds and learn new ways to cope.
7. Under extreme circumstances, taking the time to look into adoption or appoint a guardian in anticipation of debilitating health conditions and/or death.
It’s also helpful to plan ahead of time how you will respond when people ask questions or congratulate you. Though your gut reaction might be to bite their head off for asking if you are excited about the pregnancy, this is probably not the most appropriate response. You might say something like, “well, this pregnancy is incredibly difficult for a number of private reasons and I could really use your prayers/support right now.” You may also choose to nod and smile, only to scream once you’re in the car and out of earshot.
If a friend is struggling with an unwanted pregnancy, you might need to spend extra time thinking about her needs at this time. Does she just need someone to listen? Does she need advice? Does she need physical help? Financial assistance? The best thing you can do is to find out specifically what her needs are and do what you can to help fill those needs within reason. Don’t assume you know what is best for your friend and don’t be afraid to ask, “how can I be there for you?”
How did you respond to your own or a friend’s unexpected pregnancy? Were you scared? Pleasantly surprised? Shocked? What advice do you have for mothers who are experiencing an unwanted pregnancy?