Right after my mom died my heart hurt, but not to the extent it’s been hurting the last few weeks.
I think I was sort of numb the first several days following her passing. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically, and to be honest, a little relieved. Knowing something’s going to happen, but not knowing exactly when, then to see my mom tormented in the manner she was…I was just thankful she no longer had to go through any of that. That none of us did.
But now the tears everyone said would spontaneously start to flow for seemingly no reason at all are happening. My dreams are troubled, too. Some days I feel so much despair and grief it’s hard to get going.
And you know what? I think Tabby senses it.
She’s always been our little love snuggle girl, but she’s been by my side more than usual lately. I’ve noticed it’s always when my mom’s on my mind most and my heart is heaviest, just before the tears start to well. Suddenly, there she is, nudging against me to be petted or trying to snuggle on my lap.
Like I mentioned earlier, my dreams have been troubled lately. It started at the end of July when I had the first of what I’m calling the “resurrection” dreams.
In that first one I dreamt the doorbell rang, I went to answer it, and my mom was on the front stoop. I called the hospice to have them explain why my mom, who was supposed to have been dead and cremated, was instead in my house. While I was on the phone with them, she collapsed and went into her Death Sleep again.
I woke up crying and completely freaked out. That’s when Tabby, who I hadn’t known was by my legs, looked up at me and mweeped in that cute way she has of talking to us. Then she perched on my chest, and as I was stroking her and enjoying her purrs I fell fast back to sleep. Bad dreams banished…for that night.
Since then there have been more dreams like that. And I wake up to find Tabby ready to love me back to sleep.
That’s how she works it, too. She stays with me until I’m calm again and until the tears have dried. No matter if it’s day or night.
I know studies show cats are good for our health. Tabby and her special powers are proof positive they are indeed. There’s no finer bandage for my hurting heart than my little Tabberkins.
(Or maybe it’s all a sign that, like I commented on Beth’s blog after taking her stress test quiz, my stress is so bad I’m fixing to have a stroke myself. Let’s hope that’s not the case!)
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Photo credit: Photo by Flavio Takemoto. 
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