Recently I’ve become aware of a number of friends and acquaintances who have been hurt by tactless comments tossed off by family members, friends and sometimes even casual acquaintances. I’m sure all of us at times have been on the receiving end of a comment, no doubt intended as a joke, but which has really been a barb that has wounded us. When that tactless comment comes from our spouse it can be particularly hurtful.
Being married and so familiar with the other person is not a license to be able to say whatever we please, whenever we please. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t stop and think before we open our mouths and toss out comments intended to be funny, especially if it means the joke is intended at the expense of our spouse.
Humor has a definite place in marriage. Most marriages benefit from a good dose of humor and it can often be useful in maintaining relationships and overcoming arguments. But wrongly directed humor and sarcasm can be a problem.
No matter how much we might like to think otherwise, words can hurt. The mind tends to remember hurtful comments. Even seemingly innocuous comments can sometimes be taken back out and inspected for double meanings.
Now obviously I’m not saying that we should watch our words all the time and never make a spontaneous comment or a joke, but I do think it is important to think before we speak. Often what sounds funny to us could be damaging to the person hearing it. Mostly what we need is love and care for the other person’s feelings.
A lot of how a comment is received depends on the person’s mood at the time. If your spouse is not in a good mood or has had a bad day, or is already upset, comments that normally would be overlooked or laughed off, can assume mammoth proportions and be the catalyst for a major argument. So we need to not only pick our words carefully but also the timing of them.
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