Tag Archives: acceptance

Why Force It?

I hear from parent after parent who wants to know how to “force” a child to do something that he or she doesn’t want to do: force to take formula when he prefers breast milk (or vice versa), force to go to bed at a certain time, force to wear a certain type of clothes, force to play a specific sport or do an activity that he or she doesn’t like. I cannot help but wonder why all of these parents are working so hard to force something and wondering whether it is in the best interest of the child … Continue reading →

We Don’t Get to Choose Their Personalities

Okay, confession time–when you imagined yourself as a parent, nurturing your little bundle of joy–did you imagine a child just like the one you have? For those of us who have more than one, perhaps we “knew” that we would have a house full of various personalities but chances are, we didn’t exactly imagine what we got. I think the Universe or God or whatever you choose to call it, has a way of sending us the children and personalities that we NEED–not necessarily those that we would choose for ourselves. I remember before I had my children, I would … Continue reading →

Stages of Birthparents’ Thinking About Adoption

My last two blogs have been based on Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg’s work in their book, Inside Transracial Adoption. I have tried to briefly summarize their explanation of common stages gone through by adoptees and adoptive parents. In this blog I will discuss their interpretation of birthparents’ reactions. Naturally, these ideas represent the authors’ experiences of patterns many members of the adoption triad (child, birthparents, adoptive parents) report feeling. Individuals’ experiences may be different, of course. In the Pre-Conscious Stage, birthparents think that even though it breaks their heart not to be able to raise their baby, the adoption … Continue reading →

Responding to: “Which Do You Like Better–Sons or Daughters?”

Okay. I need to vent. I was actually asked this question by a live person the other day, when I shared that I had three children, two daughters and a son, I was asked whether I liked parenting the girls or my son better. After staring blankly and processing the question, I was able to answer with what I would like to think was a little grace and trying to hide any scorn or judgment in my voice. I just explained that I love and adore all my children and I didn’t “want” any particular genders and feel like they … Continue reading →

Making Sense: What do you Want to Happen Vs. What is Happening to you

Anytime I chat with other single parents, one of the subjects that comes up is how to get “control” of our lives. More than others, it seems, we single parents appear to wrestle with trying to get control of uncontrollable situations and sort out making the life we want happen and also accepting and coping with the things that we cannot control. I am not sure if it is because we have many of us already been through some trying times–a separation, divorce, death, or other unexpected reality–but we single parents are often trying to build lives and rise from … Continue reading →

It is About WHO They Are, Not WHAT They Do

As a parent, it is tough NOT to focus on what our children do—their activities, their behaviors, their grades—all of those outward and external elements that the world and society tend to judge people on. Our children need us to see beyond all of those externally validating and measurement tools, however, and love and appreciate for them for who they are—not what they do… It can seem like a parenting paradox—we are expected to hone in and try to shape our children’s behaviors; we want them to do well in school and get involved in extra-curricular activities because it is … Continue reading →

Attaching with Extended Family

Some adopted young adults say that although they felt a part of their immediate families, they never felt quite like “one of the clan” with their extended relatives. One adoptive mother theorizes that for relatives who live far apart, reunions tended to focus on genes and history, since relatives who had spent many years at a distance had few shared experiences to build a relationship on. Relatives commented on who had grown up to look like who, remembered family births, and told baby stories comparing new parents and their babies. This mother reported that her kids were likely to hear, … Continue reading →

Older Kids Need to Hear You’re Proud of Them Too

When our children are small, it seems it is all encouragement and positive reinforcement. As they get older, however, those moments of pride can get fewer and farther apart. Our kids don’t always make the wisest choices and some days they may be downright unlikeable, but they still really need to hear that mom and dad are proud of them. I think that there is a great deal that we parents can learn from our children as they grow and one of the things is how to praise them for efforts, attempts, striving to be independent, and just staying in … Continue reading →

Being of One Heart and One Mind at Home

My visiting teachers visited yesterday. As we sat and discussed the lesson I was trying to feed my youngest. I may not have seemed as though I was paying much attention, but something they talked about really affected the way that I viewed my current situation. They talked about the importance of being of one heart and mind when it comes to your family at home. It really does make a difference to have a home that is peaceful and promotes love and acceptance. As parents we can do so much to create a supportive home environment. We should strive … Continue reading →

Accepting Your Kids Just as They Are

In a previous blog, I talked about being careful what we wish for when we spend time complaining about the mess or noise our kids make. We should stop and think about how different (and lonely) our lives would be without our kids. The same is true for those of us who have active kids. Tyler drives me nuts sometimes with his high energy level but all it takes is for me to see a child who is physically unable to run, jump and play to make me realize that I am fortunate to have a healthy child. When you’re … Continue reading →