Tag Archives: adoptees

Book Review: The Mistress’ Daughter

A.M. Homes remembers waking as a young child sobbing for her “other mother”. Although she was adopted as an infant, some part of her yearned for the parents from whom she came. Many adoptees do the same. But what if, when you find these long dreamed-of parents, they have feet very much made of clay? Novelist and short-story writer Homes, whose fiction works include The Safety of Objects and Music for Torching, writes her own story in The Mistress’ Daughter. It’s a not-often-told story that will be of interest to many adoptees. Certainly many birthparents, such as those profiled in … Continue reading →

My Experiences with, “You’re not my real mother!”

My last review was of the book You’re Not My REAL Mother! I think most adoptive parents hear this at some point. Unfortunately, it is often hurled at a parent by a teen or “tween”-aged child casting about for anything that will get our goat. I think we’re lucky if we get hit with this while our kids are young. That shows that our kids are able to express to us any doubts they may have. And they may be more willing to listen to our replies. I dreaded the phrase and imagined that hearing it must be excruciatingly painful. … Continue reading →

Book Review: You’re Not My REAL Mother!

“You’re Not My REAL Mother!” is one adoptive mother’s answer to the remark that most adopted kids probably make at one time or another. Molly Friedrich’s is a mother of four, including a daughter adopted from Vietnam and a son adopted from Guatemala. This book, You’re Not My REAL Mother! is her first book and is based on the answer she gave her daughter when she made the dreaded declaration. Friedrich “took a deep breath and thought fast”. The book’s approach is for the adoptive mother to say, “of course I am, my darling! Does a real mother [have tea … Continue reading →

Natural-Born Citizen Act

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Yesterday’s blog talked about our children’s citizenship. While our internationally adopted children now are considered citizens from the time the adoption is finalized and they have entered the U.S., they are not considered “natural-born citizens”. This means that they can never become President or Vice President of the United States. Granted, the chances of becoming President are not great and it is unlikely this will have a significant impact on their career decisions. If government is their calling, there are many positions in which they can serve. Nevertheless, “You could be President someday” is a common way of encouraging children, … Continue reading →

Mommy, Can I Be the President Some Day?

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I remember wondering what I’d say if my daughter asked me whether she could become the President of the United States when she grew up. I hoped she wouldn’t. It’s not really that important, of course. Who in their right mind would want to be President, with all the criticism, loss of privacy, danger of being assassinated, responsibility for so many lives? Well, okay, I used to want to be. It just seemed like the fastest way to save the world, like I wanted to when I was an idealistic teenager. But I soon realized that I didn’t have the … Continue reading →

“If I had a Baby, I Would Keep It”

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Discussions with eight-year-old Meg seem to be coming thick and fast lately. Meg came into the room while I was watching an early episode (I think the first) of the recent PBS documentary Carrier. This is a ten-episode look at the lives of the men and women serving aboard a Navy aircraft carrier during a six-month deployment. In this episode, one young sailor, about nineteen, reveals to his bunkmates that his girlfriend is pregnant, and that he learned this just a couple of weeks before shipping out. (Okay, I should have turned off the TV when Meg entered the room. … Continue reading →

Abortion and Adoption: What Her Mom Did

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In my last blog, on talking to my adopted child about the birds and the bees (and the fish!) I promised to share the next big conversation that took place the week after. Meg was perusing a Christian catalog which offered books, games, artwork, and clothing for both children and adults. She came upon a page of products for people in pro-life ministry, especially anti-abortion ministry. These were products such as “little feet” stamps and shirts, bumper stickers and prayer cards with various images and wording, etc. With her newfound reading ability, she read a bumper sticker aloud: “Choose Life, … Continue reading →

Birds, Bees, and Fish: Sometimes the Topic Arises Earlier for Adopted Kids

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I really hadn’t planned to talk about reproduction with Meg for quite a while yet. I guess I should have anticipated that knowing she had a birthmother and a foster mother before we became her parents would spark some questions like, “What exactly makes someone a birth parent, exactly, if “birth parent” does not refer to the people who are actually parenting her?” At some point the topic of skin color came up and Meg heard that it came from your parents. Since this obviously didn’t mesh with her experience, I had told her that it came from her birth … Continue reading →

What’s a Birth Father Got To Do With It?

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When Meg was six, she asked abruptly one day, “Who is my father?” My second-grade son immediately launched into a lecture. Having just studied synonyms in school, he pompously explained to her that Dad was her father because the word “dad” was a synonym for “father”. After he left the room, I smiled at Meg. “That wasn’t quite what you meant, was it?” She shook her head, brows furrowed. “You mean your birth father?” She nodded, and we shared a smile over her brilliant big brother not getting it for once. I told Meg her birth father’s first name and … Continue reading →

Adoption and Inheritance, Part Two

My last blog addressed the issue of inheritance rights between adopted persons and their adoptive parents and relatives. This blog addresses the issue of inheritance rights between birth parents (and their relatives) and their birth children who were adopted by other families. Bear in mind that these laws apply to the estates of those who die without making out a will specifying who they wish to inherit their assets. As I wrote in the last blog, state laws do change, and I am not an attorney. Much of the facts I use here are taken from the Encyclopedia of Adoption, … Continue reading →