Tag Archives: adoptive parenting

My Experiences with, “You’re not my real mother!”

My last review was of the book You’re Not My REAL Mother! I think most adoptive parents hear this at some point. Unfortunately, it is often hurled at a parent by a teen or “tween”-aged child casting about for anything that will get our goat. I think we’re lucky if we get hit with this while our kids are young. That shows that our kids are able to express to us any doubts they may have. And they may be more willing to listen to our replies. I dreaded the phrase and imagined that hearing it must be excruciatingly painful. … Continue reading →

Book Review: Inside Transracial Adoption

Can a mother duck raise a swan to swim like a swan? By educating herself about swans, telling her child about swans? Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall would suggest that she cannot. What she can do very well, however, is teach the young swan all the important things about how to be a bird. She can love him, and she can be his real mother. But to have him be comfortable as a swan, ultimately she will have to let him spend time with and learn from swans. Steinberg and Hall are the authors of Inside Transracial Adoption(c.2000,Perspectives Press). Steinberg … Continue reading →

Attaching in Adoption by: Deborah Gray

Attaching in Adoption Practical Tools for Today’s Parents by Deborah Gray is in-depth guidebook for any adoptive parent but especially for parents who adopt an older child. As a clinical social worker, Gray has hands-on experience and offers child, family, and individual therapy specializing in attachment, grief and trauma. Gray continues to work in the field at the Northwest Attachment Center in Kirkland, Washington. Attaching in Adoption provides adoptive parents and extended families a clear and understandable picture of how children and families adjust post placement and adoption. Gray details the issues families adopting older children most often face. Her … Continue reading →

Preparing to Parent Kids of a Different Race

For those of you who don’t know, my husband and I are about to bring home two children from two different continents. Our son is from Central America. He has medium brown skin, dark hair and dark eyes. Our daughter is from Africa. Her skin is a deeper brown and her eyes and hair are also dark. My husband, Scott, and I, on the other hand, are distinctly Caucasian. We both have light brown hair, light eyes and pale skin. Obviously, we aren’t exactly going to match our children when they come home. To Scott and I race doesn’t matter … Continue reading →

Should African Americans Only Adopt African American Children?

Last month I was watching with interest a debate that was going on Adoption.com The question was raised, “Should African Americans only adopt African American children because of the need for homes for African American children?” This is an interesting discussion and I thought it would be an interesting one to continue here. Do African Americans (hereafter I will us the abbreviation AA) have a responsibility to adopt children of their own race? It is a known fact that adoption agencies and social workers have trouble placing AA children. Even parents who decide to adopt transracially may avoid adopting an … Continue reading →