Tag Archives: adoptive parents

One Father’s Adoption Commitment

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Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there—adoptive fathers, prospective adoptive fathers, biological fathers, adoptee fathers, birth fathers, grandfathers, uncles—all kinds of fathers! As I’ve mentioned before, sometimes men are reluctant about adopting. But I’ll tell you a funny story about an exception. As I wrote in my blog, Somebody Meant This to Happen, I’d fantasized about adopting since I was a child. When I began dating my husband while we were young college students, he found the idea rather foreign at first (as he admitted to me years later). Nonetheless, by the time he proposed to me he … Continue reading →

Book Review: The Open Adoption Experience

The Open Adoption Experience, by Lois Ruskai Melina and Sharon Kaplan Roszia, is a comprehensive resource for birth and adoptive families. It talks about options on the spectrum of openness, from non-identifying information only, to letters and photos through an intermediary, through visits on birthdays, to frequent visits. The book was written in 1993 and so has only a small section on international adoption, reflecting the fact that few international adoptions were open at that time. (Most still are, but openness—at least through letters and photos—is becoming more common.) Nevertheless, the authors briefly share the experiences of half a dozen … Continue reading →

Talking About Tough Issues: Drug Abuse

Some of the suggestions for talking about drug abuse and physical abuse and mental illness may also be adapted to talk about neglect, whether the neglect is due to maternal depression, or to birthparents’ seeming lack of knowledge of children’s needs, or their seeming inability to care for another. In early childhood: “Your mother took a kind of medicine that wasn’t given her by a doctor. She thought it would make her feel good, but it was bad medicine. It made her sleepy so she couldn’t take good care of you.” In elementary school: Your mother took bad drugs that … Continue reading →

Should Adoptive Parents Search For Their Children’s Birth Parents?

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A Dutch adoptive family recently located their daughter’s Chinese birthparents. Their identity and story was confirmed by DNA testing. It is the first known case of Chinese birthparents being found. The Dutch couple says they were motivated by their daughter’s “persistent interest” in her birthparents to use the media in Chongqing, China to search for her birthparents. There is actually quite a lot of controversy in the adoption community on whether adoptive families should search for their children’s birthparents. Many of us have now seen examples of open adoption—now the norm in U.S. domestic adoptions—in the lives of our friends … Continue reading →

Books on International Adoption for Adults

I recently published a blog on books for adults on adoption from Korea and China. This followed a series of blogs presenting children’s books on adoption, from various countries and domestically. This blog presents books which deal with adopting from Eastern Europe, Africa, Vietnam and Latin America, as well as many books dealing with international adoption in general. Books on Adoption from Eastern Europe: Russian Adoption Handbook: How to Adopt a Child from Russia, Ukraine and Kazakhstan Author: John H. Maclean Two Little Girls: A Memoir of Adoption Author: Theresa Reid The Russian Word for Snow Author: Janis Cooke Newman … Continue reading →

11 Things Some Adoptive Parents Would Like Birth Family by State Adoption to Know

Below is a list of things that some parents by adoption, as well as I have come up with and wish for our children’s birth parents and birth family to know: I love my children no differently than I would if I’d given birth to them myself. We have vowed to give our children the best we can possibly provide. We value many special characteristics that are a result of genetics and not by anything we could have given our children. We will not paint you in a bad light to our children. Having not been a birthparent, I can’t … Continue reading →

Interview: In Process for Liberia

I love to hear the experiences of people who are involved in the world of adoption. This week I will be interviewing people who are adopting (or who have adopted) from countries in Africa. This interview was with Sue Richardson of Bloomington, MN. Sue and her husband are in the process of adopting a sibling group from Liberia. Me: Please introduce yourself. SR: My name is Sue Richardson, I am married to Scott Richardson. We have been married for 5 years and have a 2 year old daughter named Annie. I am a television news reporter. My husband runs the … Continue reading →

My Adoptive Parent Relationship

It wouldn’t take long for someone who didn’t know me well, to clue into who my mom is. She’s the person I call everyday to check in, she’s the person I call with interesting news or gossip even if I just spent thirty minutes talking to her before. She is the person I call with complaints, sorrows, excitement and joy when something major happens in my life. She’s my adoptive mom. I felt like I needed to tell everyone about my adoptive family a bit more, so that it doesn’t come across as if there was nothing good about it. … Continue reading →

Have You Always Known?

“Have you always known you were adopted?” This seems to be the most frequently asked question. I know that my entire adult life, that is the question most often asked of me when someone learns that I was adopted. Well, yes. I have always known I was adopted. In my earliest memories, I can remember wondering about my biological mother and father, though back then I must honestly admit, when I thought about them, I thought “real mother and real father”. Let me first clear up any misconception. My biological mother will be the first one to admit that she … Continue reading →

Talking to Adoptive Parents – Great Things To Say

My last blog was about things that you should avoid saying to families formed by adoption. Many people say these things and don’t even realize that they could sound unkind. I think that often when people see a family with adopted children, they are curious because these kinds of families are not very common, though they are becoming more accepted in society. Here are some things that you can say that are appropriate and that will be appreciated by the family. “What a beautiful family!” This validates them as a family and celebrates their uniqueness. Especially when it is a … Continue reading →