Tag Archives: attachment

How did I get from “I can’t Leave my Baby!” to “It’s Time for You to Go!”?

I was talking with a friend of mine who is a new parent. She was going on and on about how “in love” she is with her baby and how she just cannot imagine ever being able to leave the infant! In fact, she cannot see how anyone can get a babysitter, send their child off to public school or (gulp) spend a night apart from the baby. I couldn’t help but smile. I remember well being that enamored parent! So in love with my darling baby or babies that I just couldn’t see myself NOT being the ever-present mother. … Continue reading →

Sometimes I wish I Could Still Keep them Close

I was a baby-wearer—even though it was really just the beginning of the current “attachment parenting” movement when my children were babies nearly two decades ago, and I did not have a rebozo or other sort of wrap, I still carried my babies first in the “front pack” as I called it and then on my back for the first year or so of their lives. In fact, I quickly learned that with a newborn and young infant, wearing them was so much easier, kept them happier, and made it possible for me to tend to other children and duties … Continue reading →

When You Miss Your Kids

We often talk about how to cope with the demands of all the time constraints and responsibilities of single parenthood, but for many of us there are those times when our children are not with us. Whether we have to let them go for a weekend, a week or several months, dealing with the ache of missing our kids can be incredibly tough for a single parent… When I was first divorced, I found being away from my kids for more than a day to be extremely hard. I had spent so much time as the primary parent and my … Continue reading →

Missing Having Someone to Care

I returned from a business trip to Norway to find my eldest daughter waiting up for me and very eager to talk and catch up. As I made piles of dirty laundry and cleaned out my suitcases, finding all the gifts and mementos I’d purchased and tucked away for my kids, she shared what the past week a half have been like for her–just starting her senior year of high school. At one point she said, “I really missed you mom! I really missed knowing there was someone at home worrying about me and caring whether I came home and … Continue reading →

Book Review: We Wanted You

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We Wanted You, by Liz Rosenberg, is a wonderful addition to a child’s library, especially the library of a child who came to his or her family through adoption. The book is simple enough to be understood by a three-year-old, yet the beautiful illustrations by Peter Catalanotto will appeal to younger and older readers, and the message of love will be reassuring to adoptees of any age. The words and pictures interact uniquely to tell the story of Enrique. The pictures begin with the present and go back to the past, while the words tell the adoptive parents’ story from … Continue reading →

Bonding is an Ongoing Process

I remember when I was a new mother with babies and young toddlers; there was a great deal of talk and advice about “bonding.” As I absorbed it then, bonding was something that happened with parents and babies and if you didn’t get it right in those early weeks and months, things were never going to be right between parent and child. What I have actually learned, however, in the passing years and developmental changes, is that bonding is an ongoing process and there are unending opportunities to bond, connect, and get to know each other for a parent and … Continue reading →

Don’t Stop Trying to Connect

I fumble and bumble along with this parenting of teenagers. I wrote yesterday about how I wrestle with biting my tongue and NOT offering advice and butting in where I will only make things worth. But, it dawned on me that is only half of the stories of trying to interact with teenagers. The other half is working hard to stay connected NO MATTER WHAT. It is definitely not easy to keep talking and connecting to teenagers. Even young adolescents start getting crabby and snarky and pushing us away. There may be things that we really wish that we didn’t … Continue reading →

Thinking About Other Parents

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Some birthmothers and adoptive families observe the second Saturday in May as Birthmother’s Day. I find myself thinking about our birthmother on this day, although I still haven’t figured out what I’ll say to my daughters about it. Some adoptive families light candles or toast the birthmothers; probably I’ll just pray for their birthmother and foster mothers at our family bedtime prayer. While I comfortably wrote about my daughter having Three Mothers— her birthmother, her foster mother, and me—in practice, I have to admit that talking about it with my daughters is less comfortable. In short, I sometimes have trouble … Continue reading →

Staying Close…From a Healthy Distance

So much of parenting—like so much of the rest of life—comes down to balance. Not only do we try to balance work and family, personal needs and other responsibilities, and quality versus quantity time with our children, we are also called upon to learn and adjust our parenting for various phases and developmental stages as our children grow. Finding a way to stay close and attached, and still allow our children the room and space to venture out on their own can be a huge parenting challenge. I can’t help thinking back to when each of my children was learning … Continue reading →

When You Get Emotionally Attached in Your Home Business

Have you ever heard people refer to their work, business, or project as “their baby”? How can we NOT care about the outcome and well-being of our home businesses—we put so much blood, sweat, and tears into them? Becoming too emotionally attached can be a bit of a problem, however, when it clouds our judgment or makes it tough for us to make objective business decisions. I am not really someone who can subscribe to the “it’s just business” school either. I do feel like I bring my emotions and my cares and concerns into my home business. But, I … Continue reading →