Tag Archives: attachment

Slow Down, Grandma

If you are lucky, your parents and extended family will be almost as eager to greet the new family member as you are. But for children who have lost their connection to a trusted caregiver, they should have a period of time to adjust to their new parents, and have their new parents meet all their needs, before adjusting to other people in their lives. We chose not to have a big arrival party at the airport, just my father. My father greeted us first, then welcomed my daughter in a soft voice and did not try to touch her. … Continue reading →

Attaching in Adoption by: Deborah Gray

Attaching in Adoption Practical Tools for Today’s Parents by Deborah Gray is in-depth guidebook for any adoptive parent but especially for parents who adopt an older child. As a clinical social worker, Gray has hands-on experience and offers child, family, and individual therapy specializing in attachment, grief and trauma. Gray continues to work in the field at the Northwest Attachment Center in Kirkland, Washington. Attaching in Adoption provides adoptive parents and extended families a clear and understandable picture of how children and families adjust post placement and adoption. Gray details the issues families adopting older children most often face. Her … Continue reading →

I Wish I Had Known – Christian Adoptive Mothers Share

I am part of an online group of Christian adoptive mothers. Most of them have several adoptive children and they all have been parenting their adopted children for a number of years. I thought it would be interesting to get their thoughts on adoption now that they have been “into it” for a while. The question I asked was, “What do you wish you had known when you started out in adoption?” Here are a few of the responses I received: “I wish I had known how the love for your child grows and grows and grows before and after. … Continue reading →

Attaching from Far Away – Older Children

Yesterday, I posted a blog on how to begin to facilitate attachment with adopted babies and toddlers before they come home. Today, I want to talk about doing the same with older children. One of the benefits of adopting an older child is that your older child will likely be aware that they are being adopted. Older children have the chance to prepare emotionally for the changes that are about to happen. It is important that you take advantage of this and do everything you can to help prepare your child. Though it may be limited, you should be able … Continue reading →

Attaching from Far Away – Babies and Young Toddlers

Often when adopting a child internationally, you will know about your child several months (or possibly longer) before you are able to bring them home. During this time, most adoptive parents will begin to feel an attachment to their child. Many hours are spent staring at pictures, preparing a room, shopping for toys and clothes. By the time this long-awaited child arrives, the adoptive parents already feel very close to him or her. However, for the child it is a completely different situation. A baby or younger toddler does not know that they are being adopted. As far as they … Continue reading →

Adopting An Older Child–Having A Positive Attitude.

Families who decide to adopt an older child generally endure several hours of training about all the different risks, issues and disorders we may have to face once a child is placed in our home for adoption. We are offered lists of acronyms for every kind of problem any parent might face, along with pages of information about some of the special needs an older child may suffer. Most of our family and friends are able to hold a straight face and agree to be a part of our Support System. A few people say foolish, uneducated, or ridiculous things … Continue reading →

Side Effects of Attachment Disorders (Part 8) Feeling

Children who have attachment disorders have spent a significant amount of time thinking about survival. Many children have spent so much time just making it one day to the next that they don’t have the time or energy to even think about how they are feeling. A child with an attachment disorder is usually very out of touch with feelings in general, except for the common feeling of anger. A child who is not in touch with their own feelings may not even know when they feel sick. These children are the one’s likely to stand outside in the freezing … Continue reading →

Side Effects of Attachment Disorders (Part 6) Thinking Errors

Children with attachment disorders will often draw an incorrect conclusion. The changes in caregivers and lack of control the child has had over their lives causes many children to become emotionally isolated. There is no one who has always been a part of their lives, and there are huge raps in what the child has learned along the way. A child with an attachment disorder has never experienced a close enough relationship where modeling would have played a big part in the child’s development. There has been abusive, neglectful and just different changes in their lifetime. Perceptions about the world … Continue reading →

Side Effects of Attachment Disorders (Part 4) Conscience Development

In the effort to survive, children with attachment disorders have learned to think about only themselves. Because the child hasn’t had a chance to develop a healthy long lasting attachment, the child may not have learned how to care about the way his or her behaviors affect anyone else. To a child with an attachment disorder it really doesn’t matter how the new parents or caregivers feel about the child, he or she has not had the opportunity to develop an active conscience. A healthy well-attached child begins to care about how their actions affect the other important people in … Continue reading →

Side Effects of Attachment Disorders (Part 1) Introduction.

Children with attachment disorders feel their safety is constantly threatened. Life has shown the child it is too risky to trust someone who is bigger, stronger, and smarter to protect them. These children tend to have radar tuned into keeping safe. This can interfere with usual childhood learning experiences and development. Other side effects from attachment disorders can contribute to behaviors that baffle, frustrate and drain even the most determined adoptive parents. These behaviors will be discussed at length in the next several Blogs. Some of the side effect behaviors seen in children with attachment disorders are: Opposition. Control. Conscience … Continue reading →