Tag Archives: birth mother

The Trend to Open Adoption

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Apparently, the current trend in adoption circles is toward open adoption. In an open adoption, the birth parent is allowed to occasionally have contact with the children. Most of the prominent adoption magazines strongly recommend it. It is also the in-vogue direction that social work academics seem to be leaning. My wife and I were recently driving home from a three day vacation and “just for fun”, Nancy called in to a very popular national radio show hosted by a well-known family issues psychologist. The radio host seemed oblivious to all of our good reasons to avoid our children’s birth … Continue reading →

Bad Parents Have Legal Rights

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When our adopted children first came to live with us, the parental rights of their birth mother had not been resolved. This happens in many, if not most, adoptions. I will warn you that the process can be very frustrating. We have adopted five maternal brothers which involved two separate adoption proceedings. In the first one, there never was much doubt that she was going to drag it out as long as possible and then sign relinquishment papers. However, she threatened to contest the right to retain her parental rights in the second adoption. The birth mother of our boys … Continue reading →

How I Became Your Mother: When Uncle Eddie Took Care of His Birth Mother.

Continued: From The Journey of How I Became Your Mother: Thanksgiving and LeRoy’s Boys. When I was 13-years-old Uncle Eddie announced that his birth mother was sick and needed someone to take care of her. The mother he had not lived with since he was only 4-years-old, had found her son and asked for a place to stay. The picture here was taken the day she flew in from Illinois. This is my grandmother, Aunt Terrie, Uncle Eddies birth mother with the white hair, and my parents–Uncle Eddie took this picture. Not very many years ago most adopted kids never … Continue reading →

Gotcha Day #4

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In July 2004, we were informed in a surprise phone call that the birth mother of the four boys that we were about to adopt, had delivered another boy. After a brief skirmish with state social workers, it was time for Gotcha Day for Isaiah. The other boys had been brought to us, but this time we were asked to come pick our new child up. It was to be a busy day at the state office. First, the family that Isaiah had been placed with for ten days had to bring him in. We were willing to meet with … Continue reading →

The Reunion – Someone Like Me

I have spent my entire life wishing there was someone like me. I knew at a young age I was different. I cannot explain in every way how I was different, but I knew I was. All I wanted was someone else who could understand me, because my family certainly didn’t. I wasn’t like them at all. Mom and I in November 2003 And from the instant we laid eyes on each other, I knew that this someone I had been wishing and searching for, was finally here. My birth mother is probably more like me than anyone else in … Continue reading →

The Reunion – Anticipation

The anticipation leading up to the face to face reunion was the most incredible, amazing feeling I’d ever known. I had no clue how anxious I’d be. And how nervous I was not. I thought for sure I’d be terrified, but I wasn’t worried about any of that. The weeks stretched on and I thought it would never get here. I kept having dreams, or more like nightmares, that she would call and say, “I’m sorry I cannot make it”. It didn’t matter the reason she wouldn’t be able to come, but my faith was so faltering during the time, … Continue reading →

A Birthmother’s Love

I kept reading and trying to understand. I had to wipe away tears and try to control sobs as I simply stood there staring at the words on the paper. It was all like a dream. Words that I had almost longed for my entire life, but that in some ways I had prepared myself to never hear, spelled out on this paper. “I’ve felt like a failure as a mother but my heart rejoices that at least I did right by you. Your card came at a very difficult time in my life – and I pray that you … Continue reading →

A Dream Was Shattered

It wasn’t long after the contact with my sister that I began to really wonder where my birth mother’s heart was in all of this. I still hadn’t heard anything from her, no relatives said anything about how she felt, and I just didn’t keep asking. For awhile, I was content with the relationships I was building with my biological grandfather, biological uncle, and both my biological brother and sister. But eventually it did get to me. Eventually, it made it worse talking to them, because the more they talked, the more things I wanted to know about her. The … Continue reading →

Review: The Other Mother, by Carol Schaefer

In 1991, a book was published that changed who I was and how I felt about being adopted. It gave me a hope and a longing that I hadn’t known prior to the text written between the covers of that book. “The Other Mother”, by Carol Schaefer told the amazing story of a young 19 year old girl, in love and pregnant. Raised in a Catholic family, she was nothing but a disgrace to them. She was sent off to a convent home for girls in the same situation to await the birth of this very much wanted child. But … Continue reading →