Tag Archives: birthmothers

Is “Mother” Jewelry Insensitive?

A while ago, there was a debate on a listserv for parents who’d adopted from Korea. It was triggered by an advertisement for jewelry with the Korean letters spelling “omani”. Many adoptive mothers embrace wearing the jewelry as a part of honoring their Korean-American children’s birth culture. But one writer, after wearing the jewelry for years, imagined herself meeting her child’s birthmother while she was wearing the “umma” bracelet. Would the jewelry cause pain to the birth mother? Would it seem to be a usurpation of a role as Korean mother that the adoptive mother was not? Heated debate ensued … Continue reading →

Helping Kids have a Clearer Vision of both Pregnancy and Parenting

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I’ve recently shared that statistically, as a group, teen mothers who place their babies for adoption fare better (in terms of staying in school and off the welfare rolls, and avoiding another premature pregnancy). I should also say that there are many young mothers who do a very good job of raising their babies. (To see one of our dedicated blogger’s series on being a young parent, click here.) I admit that I used to think two parents were always better than one. I now realize that being adopted does represent a loss for the baby as well as for … Continue reading →

Book Review: Did My First Mother Love Me?

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We don’t have enough books about the birthmother’s perspective on adoption (The Tummy Mummy and The Mulberry Bird being happy exceptions). Fortunately, one birthmother has written a book for her child to read if she ever asks whether her first mother loved her. Kathryn Ann Miller has fortunately chosen to share her response with all of us, realizing that not all of us will have access to our children’s birthparents and that not all birthparents will be able to articulate their feelings. Miller’s book: Did My First Mother Love Me? –A Story for an Adopted Child opens with a girl … Continue reading →

The Many Languages of Mother

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In my last blog, I mentioned conversations that have been flying around the blogosphere this spring. I suppose it’s not surprising that in May our thoughts turn to mothers. A heated conversation has arisen among the international adoption community over referring to yourself as “mother” in the language of the child’s birth country. Adoption catalogs carry catalogs with jewelry, shirts, tote bags, etc. which have the word Mother, and sometimes Father or Grandmother or Grandfather, in the languages of the various countries which send the most adoptees to the U.S. Since my daughters are Korean, I’ll use the Korean word … Continue reading →

The Month of Mothers

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Looking back over the month of May, I remember some very interesting conversations. I also remember reading some very interesting blogs, on diverse areas of Families.com and of our sister site Adoption.com. This twenty-first century method of “conversing” lets us read others’ thoughts, compose a reply with time to think about what we really mean, and read the reactions of many other people who may be very different from us. One of the conversations I read about at our sister site was about Birthmother’s Day. This day began to be celebrated in 1990 when a few birthmothers in Seattle gathered … Continue reading →

Where Babies Come From, or, Don’t Fall Asleep on an Airplane

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Since my daughter was adopted at one year old, I figured we’d have a few years before any discussion of where babies came from. What I forgot to prepare for was the fact that her older brother would be the first to ask about birth and adoption. I was caught off guard when the subject arose when my son was four. Since Patrick’s experience had led him to believe that a younger sibling arrived if your mother fell asleep on a long airplane ride, he wasn’t buying it when some of his preschool buddies informed him that their little brothers … Continue reading →

Book Review: The Mulberry Bird

The classic adoption book The Mulberry Bird, by Anne Braff Brodzinsky, seems to be one of those books that people either love or hate. I suspect that it all depends on the timing, which in turn depends on your child. Most people say their child loved it and seemed to find it reassuring. A couple of parents are sure it caused more trouble than it averted. I shared this ambivalence. I checked this book out of the library a couple of years ago and returned it without sharing it with my kids. This time, I put it on the shelf … Continue reading →

Adoption Books with Great Art: The Tummy Mummy

Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words, especially to children who are often visual thinkers. Hence this series of blogs on children’s adoption books with beautiful artwork. I have both praise for and caveats about the book Tummy Mummy, by author Michelle-Madrid-Branch, who was herself adopted. The book wonderfully conveys the birthmother’s concern for her child: “I love you, my special baby and my heart is full of emotion…because I know I am not the one to raise you. What am I to do?” The look on the (very) pregnant woman’s face is beautiful. Then the book gets … Continue reading →

“Being Adopted Means Being Born in Another State”….??

It’s hard to tell what kids know, remember, or are in denial about. My almost-eight-year-old is very intelligent. She has pictures of her foster mother and a whole scrapbook about her adoption, which she presented to her preschool class. She seemed happy to have me read books explaining adoption to her first grade class last year. Recently a new friend, who wasn’t at the school last year when I did the presentation, asked me (in front of Meg), “Is Meg adopted?” I tried to deflect the question to Meg, trying to avoid a repeat of the “Can she speak English” … Continue reading →

Three Mothers

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I am my daughter’s third mother. I accept that now. For a long time I didn’t get it. Before I adopted, I thought all the emphasis on birthparent relationships was a bit ridiculous and certain to be confusing for the child. I greatly admired women who choose life for their unborn babies, and make a painful decision so that their children can gain a stable upbringing. Still I thought of them almost more as surrogate mothers. After all, motherhood is not dependent on mere biology (and “mere” is exactly how I thought of it). Motherhood is changing diapers, making tough … Continue reading →