Tag Archives: boundaries

When Name-Calling is an Issue–Part Two

Earlier today, I wrote about how name-calling can be a family and parent issue, not just an issue with children. When it is a problem with the kids, however, what can be done? Are there ways to teach children how NOT to call each other names and how to speak more civil and pleasant to one another? Having a zero tolerance rule for name-calling and negative statements is a good start. Awareness and setting the bar or expectation high gives the family parameters or guidelines as to what is acceptable and what is not. That said, our children are influenced … Continue reading →

Saying “No” to Unreasonable Expectations

We do not have to do it all. There, I’ve said it again (I know for a fact that I have stated this mantra before). As single parents, we might be tempted to get roped in to trying to meet other’s unreasonable expectations—we are so determined to do a good job and juggle our responsibilities that it may not dawn on us that we are being asked to take on too much or expected to take on inappropriate problems, tasks, or situations. This is where we have to learn how to just say “No.” I know full well that it … Continue reading →

What About When OTHER People Say Negative Things About the Ex?

We single parents know that we are supposed to refrain from bashing our exes in front of the kids and I know we have talked a bit about it here in the Single Parents Blog—but what happens when our friends or family members say negative things about our ex, the other parent, in front of our kids? How should we handle it? Should we defend, ignore, set a firm boundary? It can be an awkward situation… For me, this didn’t seem to be much of a problem when my children were younger—people just seemed to understand that it was inappropriate. … Continue reading →

Are You Accidentally Setting a Precedent?

Surely you have heard the saying “If you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile.” I think whoever came up with that chestnut was definitely talking about children! There may be that one day when we are just too tired to say “no” or we give in and let them eat their sandwiches in the living room and suddenly, we’ve got a “situation” on our hands. While we cannot be expected to be robots or machines as parents, there may be those times when we are accidentally setting a precedent. It may sound pessimistic, but over the years I’ve … Continue reading →

It is Okay to Introduce New People Slowly

I should probably admit up front that I learned this lesson the hard way—as single parents, it is perfectly alright if we want and need to take our time before introducing new friends and/or dates to our children. Often, we might feel pressure from either side—our kids want to “check out” this person we might be seeing or getting to know and our new friend wants to “check out” what our children are like. As the parent, though, we do get to choose and while I’ve heard different opinions on this—for me, slow is better. I want to be clear … Continue reading →

Ask Yourself: “Is it Worth the Trouble?”

We’ve talked about picking one’s battles with children here in the Parents blog and we’ve talked about power struggles and all sorts of other “struggles”–not to mention all the different times that family life calls for letting go. But, what about those times when giving in and letting go ARE NOT the orders of the day? What about those times when digging in and holding one’s own as a parent is really the best thing to do? Sometimes, fighting those battles really is worth all the stress and trouble… While I can think of plenty of times when I have … Continue reading →

Single Parents and Guilt–Part Three–Helping Our Children Deal with Guilt

Single parents are not the only ones in the family affected and influenced by feelings of guilt–our children can be susceptible too. They might feel guilty and believe that they are one of the reasons for a separation or divorce, or they might feel guilty if they want to play on a sports team or need money for a school field trip. There are all sorts of reasons that children of divorced and single parent families might feel guilty and as parents, we can help them learn how to let those feelings go… Of course, helping our children deal with … Continue reading →

Single Parents and Guilt–Part Two–When Others Work to Make You Feel Guilty

We’ve talked about how we can carry around guilt ourselves as single parents and ways to dig in and figure out where it is coming from and letting it go–but the truth is, guilt is not always self-generated. Sometimes, our single parent guilt is originating from people and situation outside of us. We might have an ex partner or spouse who is “laying on the guilt” because we have moved on; we may have family and friends who are putting their own values and belief systems onto us and trying to make us feel guilty for whatever reasons. What can … Continue reading →

Are They Bossing, Butting In, or Helping?

It is often common for single parents to talk about their “support system”–we know how important it is to have people around us who can help out and be supportive of our situation and circumstance. Not everyone is really helpful, however, and it can sometimes be a good idea to evaluate those people who are closest to us and in our “support system” to see if they are really being helpful, or if they are adding stress to our already stressful lives. I am not suggesting that you dump people from your inner circle, but it can’t hurt to figure … Continue reading →

Even When They Ask for Help, Expect a Little Resentment

I wrote the other day about how, as children get older, it helps if parents ask before offering up suggestions and opinions. In reality, I thought it would be fair to mention that even when they solicit our opinions and ask for our help, they may not be particularly happy about it! I find that with my teens the opposite is often quite true–if they have to ask for my help, they are rather irritated about it and they are just as likely to exhibit resentment as they are appreciation. This brings me back to my number one golden rule … Continue reading →