Tag Archives: consequences

Some Responses to Honesty

Posted on by

Before I posted the quiz blog the other day and after I’d answered the questions myself, I prevailed on my dear husband to be guinea pig and answer the questions. Unbeknown to him at the time, I’d also answered how I thought he would answer. All except one were right. Good to know that after all our years of marriage there’s still a little surprise. His scores were mostly As, with a few C and B variations thrown in. One of the things I admire about him is the ease with which he can refuse an invitation without feeling a … Continue reading →

When They Act without Thinking

It might help you to know as a parent that a child acting first and thinking later is the norm–it does not mean that there is something wrong with your child or that he is somehow doomed to a life of mishaps, mistakes and apologies. As parents, however, it does mean that we have our work cut out for us in teaching our children how to slow down, weight the options and think BEFORE they act… Have you ever heard the following from your child: “I just wasn’t thinking” or “I forgot” or “I didn’t know what would happen”? I … Continue reading →

How Long Does it Take to Make a Habit?

Regardless of whether I want anyone else to know or not, I definitely have some habits I would let go of. Over the years, I have been amazed at how few days/times it can take for a habit to form—either good or bad. As a parent, it is not easy to know if a child’s new behavior is going to “stick” or not—is it just a passing phase? Or is it going to contribute to a habit that lasts a lifetime? How long does it take for something to become a habit and how can we make that work for … Continue reading →

“I Don’t Want to Read About This on the Front Page of the Paper”

One of the things I say, only in partial-jest, to my teens when they are plotting and scheming or just talking about getting together with their friends is: “I just don’t want to read about this on the front page of the newspaper!” It is my way of reminding them that I still care about what they are up to and that there are very real consequences to every choice and decision they might make. Teenagers are not exactly known for making the best personal choices and having the sanest ideas about what makes for fun and reasonable activities. Unfortunately, … Continue reading →

Privileges and Consequences–Connect Them to the “Real World”

In order for privileges and consequences to have power and “punch” as parenting tools, they need to be connected to the real world–things that truly matter in the life of our child. Otherwise, we as parents have little authority and our children don’t take our discipline techniques seriously. For example, if you take away television privileges from a child who seldom watches television–the discipline is really a joke. At the same token, offering as a reward or privilege a trip to the zoo for a child who is not “into” it does not have much inspiration behind it either. It … Continue reading →

Learning About Cause and Effect

I think one of the biggest lessons and challenges of childhood at just about all the stages and phases is learning about cause and effect. Whether it is learning that dropping a toy makes a loud crash and could possible break the toy, or learning that gossiping and being mean to a friend can cause them to leave us—the lessons of cause and effect are ongoing in childhood and we parents tend to learn a few ourselves… Within reason, I think as parents we should NOT interfere with these many cause and effect lessons. If we catch the toy before … Continue reading →

What Did You Expect Would Happen????

I am constantly amazed at the way my kids can use denial. Despite being warned and told the consequences of behavior they exhibit or choices they make, they still get quite surprised when things go down the way Mom predicted they might. I do admire their tenacity, however, as they insist upon doing things their way and expecting miraculous results. But, I still can’t help but ask them what they expected to happen differently? How did they not see the inevitable coming? Of course, when I stop to think about it, I have not completely grown out of this little … Continue reading →

Could a Point System Help Your Child with ADHD?

Experts are suggesting that parents of children with ADHD and other behavioral difficulties should try using a point (or credit) system for discipline and motivation. In a recent PEOPLE magazine article, I read about a special camp for children with ADHD run by Dr. Karen Fleiss. The camp gives points for good behaviors, and takes them away for less appropriate ones. Campers who achieve a certain number of points during the week are rewarded with a special Friday field trip. In the article, Dr. Fleiss says that the point system helps motivate these kids to choose the right behavior. With … Continue reading →

Allowing Consequences to Unfold

Sometimes I think “intervention” should be the parent’s middle name. After all, we are forever coaching, teaching, advising, and coaxing our children to grow up to be happy, caring, decent individuals and, as I tell my children–citizens. BUT, sometimes we really do have to hold ourselves back and not intervene. We do have to allow for some consequences to unfold naturally in order for our child to get the full and lasting effect and lesson. Of course, I am not talking about situations where safety is an issue or where the natural consequences will do lasting harm or damage, but … Continue reading →

Sometimes We Have to Let Things Happen

I puzzled and mulled over what to title this blog and all I could come up with was that sometimes, as parents, we have to allow things to happen to and for our children without interfering. This doesn’t mean that we let them burn their hand on the stove in order to learn that it is hot and will hurt them, nor does it mean that we let them get hit by a car in order to learn to stay out of the road. BUT, there are times, when the best thing we can do as caring parents is to … Continue reading →