Tag Archives: ex

Dealing With the “Ex” in Public

After a divorce or separation, you may be hoping for “out of sight, out of mind.” Or, at least, you might like to only have to deal with your ex at pre-arranged times for transfers and child-related decisions. However, there is the “public” factor to be considered—all the sporting events, special occasions, and performances involving your child where you will have to deal with the ex, and possible his or her new partner, in public. I don’t know about you, but the public events were the hardest for me to get used to. I would get “triggered”—particularly at my kids’ … Continue reading →

Minding Our Own Business—And Letting the Ex Mind His or Hers

I had a hard time coming up with what to title this blog without sounding too callous and bossy. I was thinking about one of the challenges in the early months and years of my life as a single parent and wanted to talk about how it took some effort for me to “let go” of the need I felt to know what my children were up to when they were not at my house, but were spending time with their father. The kids, of course, realized early on that they could create great drama and distractions by adding fuel … Continue reading →

Negative Feelings toward Stepchildren, Part III

When we feel taken for granted, it hurts. It is not conducive to a happy relationship with stepchildren, or a spouse. That’s why communication is necessary. Your spouse also has the responsibility of working to ensure that his or her children treat you with respect and courtesy. Yet, you may need to bring it to his or her attention. Try to gently discuss these issues with your spouse, without children present. Explain how you feel, without accusing. Use “I statements,” such as “I feel taken for granted,” instead of “You (or your kids) don’t appreciate me.” Try to frame the … Continue reading →

Negative Feelings toward Stepchildren, Part II

Another issue when it comes to stepchildren is not knowing exactly how you’re supposed to feel. As a parent, you may assume that you are automatically supposed to love all children. However, no one automatically loves all people, and that unfortunately includes children. Of course, developing love for your stepchildren should be your goal, but that doesn’t mean you’ll instantly have such feelings. All loving relationships take time to develop. You may also find that you’re trying too hard. You may feel as if you have to get along with the children all the time, or else you are doing … Continue reading →

Top Ten Tips: Don’ts of Divorce, Part I

1. Do NOT do things that will come back to bite you. Seriously. Do not let emotions cause you to make irrevocable mistakes. Of course, this is a tough time, but you can make it less difficult by being smart. One example is venting your frustrations in a note – to or about – your soon to be ex. Don’t do it. Ever. These things have a way of showing up in the courtroom. Do not put anything in writing that you don’t want the judge, the public, or even your mother to hear in open court. Also, with the … Continue reading →