Tag Archives: foster care

Request of Medical Information from Birth Father

As child number 7 born to my son’s birth mother is currently in state custody, I have decided to take the opportunity to inquire about medical information on the birth father that is allegedly the birth father for 6 of the 7 children. In the past, the state has been unable to obtain reliable information on him. As our son is getting older, we are having more questions about the medical history and hope we may get some of these questions answered soon. Dear (Birth Father’s name withheld), I am the mother by adoption to your 4th son (our son’s … Continue reading →

Standing Out at a Committee or Staffing

Every state or county seems to run things slightly different. When choosing a child for a family, a committee might meet; this may be referred to as a staffing, or a case worker may choose. Our state of Oregon, like many others, holds a committee. When a child is ready to be adopted, our state will choose three families that have inquired about the specific child. The family’s case worker will represent them in front of 3 committee members. If you are chosen for committee, often it’s against families that are equally capable of caring for the child. If you … Continue reading →

Advocating for the Rights and Needs of Children and Young People.

Advocacy is speaking up for someone, something, or fighting for a cause. It is a process of negotiation to assist in having rights and needs met. Advocacy can take many different forms. There’s individual advocacy, citizen advocacy, systems advocacy, parent advocacy, self-advocacy and cause advocacy. Every time you stick up for a child or relay information about what has happened for a child, you are advocating for that child’s rights. Every time you make a suggestion for improving playground access for a child with a disability, you are advocating for the rights of people with a disability. Every time you … Continue reading →

This Is Not What I Signed Up For

If you have read the short story by Emily Perl Kingsley called Welcome to Holland, you might have a peek into the feelings of a person who has learned their child has special needs. I distinctly remember telling our adoption case worker that we didn’t want a child placed that was hyperactive or violent. When we finally got our son, he was only over a year old and we weren’t able to determine what kinds of special needs would arise. I learned early on he had a temper problem. He would get very angry with his toys when they wouldn’t … Continue reading →

My Big Boy Kindergartener

I really didn’t think I’d do it, but the moment got the best of me as I snapped the last photo of my son as he was boarding the bus. I choked up. It wasn’t because he was growing up so fast or because I’d miss him while he was away; it was because I got to take part in another milestone in his life. Perhaps I shouldn’t be too over dramatic about this. I did get to see his first steps one week after he was placed with us. Maybe I shouldn’t weigh in so much on what I … Continue reading →

Saying No To a Sibling Placement

Last month I wrote a blog entitled “The Call for a Sibling” where I touched on how likely it was there would be additional children born to our sons’ birth mothers. I’m going to further elaborate here on the pain of saying “no”. I wrote the following October 13, 2005 while I was awake in grief and in prayer: Who’s Child Are You? Who’s child are you sent from above? Many homes waiting to offer you love. Forming in chaos I hear your soul cry, “Pray for my life, my mom’s getting high.” Longing hearts waiting to wipe away tears; … Continue reading →

Glad My Kids Are Here

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When people hear how many children our son’s birth mother has given birth to, the most common response I hear is, “Why can’t they just tie her tubes?” Certainly when children come into care, someone is paying the bill. Yes, we the taxpayers are paying for these children to be fed and clothed. There are also people out there that feel it may have been better for everyone, if the children that have been born addicted to drugs, to have been aborted instead. Before our boys were placed, my husband and I were nervous about adopting children that had been … Continue reading →

Birth Parents Love Their Kids

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Yes, I have over generalized the title. I’m sure there are birth parents out there that do not feel love for their children. As you read bulletins of waiting children you may be left wondering if many of these parents really cared about their kids. Who would want to harm a child that they love? In learning of the stories behind my children’s entrance into state care, I wondered what kind of love their birth mothers especially had. Both had substance abuse issues while they were pregnant and both were in relationships that involved domestic violence at some point. Both … Continue reading →

No Infant Adoption for Us

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When my husband and I decided to adopt neither of us desired a newborn baby. I don’t have a specific reason as to why. Perhaps it just wasn’t a part of the Master’s plan in our lives. I’ve spent the past five years in adoption support groups surrounded by families that surprisingly felt the same way as we did. Many were just not interested in the baby ages at all. Some didn’t want to deal with diapers, and all the other things that come with taking care of babies. There are many families that want to adopt older children because … Continue reading →

Going Back to Work after Placement

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Many times nowadays, mothers find themselves having to return to work when their maternity leave is up. Sometimes this is due to a desire to continue in their career or, in some cases, moms feel they just need a break. More often I hear there is a need financially for the mother to return to work in addition to her husband. With single parent adoptions, there is commonly no other option than to work. Returning to work after placement of your new family member is a very debatable subject. When you give birth to your child, it probably won’t have … Continue reading →