Tag Archives: grieving

Other Adoption Loss Scenarios

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My last blogs, What is Adoption Loss? and and Legal-Risk Placements, talk about the disappointment and grief that ensue when a planned adoption does not happen and describe some situations when this might occur. Other situations of adoption loss can occur when a child whose birthmother who had arranged to place with specific parents literally dies before or after the birth. A famous, thankfully rare, situation was the crash of a jumbo jet carrying several hundred Vietnamese children to the United States for adoption during Operation Babylift just before the fall of Saigon in 1975. A baby may be born … Continue reading →

The Month of Mothers

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Looking back over the month of May, I remember some very interesting conversations. I also remember reading some very interesting blogs, on diverse areas of Families.com and of our sister site Adoption.com. This twenty-first century method of “conversing” lets us read others’ thoughts, compose a reply with time to think about what we really mean, and read the reactions of many other people who may be very different from us. One of the conversations I read about at our sister site was about Birthmother’s Day. This day began to be celebrated in 1990 when a few birthmothers in Seattle gathered … Continue reading →

Stages of Birthparents’ Thinking About Adoption

My last two blogs have been based on Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg’s work in their book, Inside Transracial Adoption. I have tried to briefly summarize their explanation of common stages gone through by adoptees and adoptive parents. In this blog I will discuss their interpretation of birthparents’ reactions. Naturally, these ideas represent the authors’ experiences of patterns many members of the adoption triad (child, birthparents, adoptive parents) report feeling. Individuals’ experiences may be different, of course. In the Pre-Conscious Stage, birthparents think that even though it breaks their heart not to be able to raise their baby, the adoption … Continue reading →

When Pets Pass: A Study in Grief

The topic of pets passing seems to be on many people’s minds lately. My brother-in-law recently informed me they lost their beloved 14-year-old Dalmatian, Alex. Over in the Families.com Pets Forum one of the members posted some sad news about her dog, Jax, who she recently discovered had Stage 2 cancer. Then Aimee posted a blog about her house rule (no pets are allowed to die) after a scare a friend had with her pet. When Budly, our cocker spaniel, died in 2000 it was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. He was my everything: my best … Continue reading →

The House Rule

Did you ever see a movie called “My Dog Skip”? I rented this one a few years ago and without giving too much of the plot away, was in tears at the end. In fact, I was still crying when I went to the video store to return the movie! Afterwards, I came up with a new house rule: pets are not allowed to die. Yes, I know this is a rule that’s going to get broken. But a girl can hope. The rule came up again today when a friend of mine had a bit of a scare. Her … Continue reading →

The Demise of a Pet

Do you have pets? Have you ever lost a pet? Young or old, we become very attached to our furry friends. For many families, a pet is another member of that family. The loss of a pet can therefore be very painful. It may be especially difficult for young children whom have not yet experienced loss. It’s good to talk about the demise of a pet with your child. You can find children’s books on the death of a pet that may be helpful, but if your child is extremely distraught, you may want to ask your pediatrician for a … Continue reading →

Home and Family: Grief

It’s good to have our families around us when we’re hurting. Having a strong support system in place is important and can be an incredible source of comfort. While we don’t want to burden our children with problems or details, children can be very perceptive and one of the most wonderful sources of healing. Today, my dad would have been 67. It’s the second birthday he’s missed. Last year, I did pretty well, in part, because I had really tried to prepare myself for the date. I wanted to be strong for my brother. I was sad, but I was … Continue reading →

Why Does Life have to be so Complicated?

Ours is a blended family, although most people would never realize it unless they asked. My husband has been Dad to my oldest daughter since just before she turned four years old. She’s now 16. We’ve been down some bumpy roads, and in fact at times, it feels like a roller coaster. Dealing with her grandparents on the other side has been an exercise in frustration, yet she has managed to maintain a relationship with them. I’m glad for that, but it has been an ongoing struggle. Her grandmother has been very ill, and lost her battle with cancer. My … Continue reading →

Grieving For A Lost Pet

People grieve differently. Pets do too! Other pets in the family may respond differently to the loss of a companion. A surviving pet may: Pace the house or search for their missing friend Refuse to eat or drink Act listless and depressed Whimper or howl Change personality — an aloof pet may suddenly clamor for attention and affection or vice versa Regardless of how your pet expresses their grief, you need to try to give them more attention and affection. Make a fuss over your pet when you get home from work; you may want to leave a television or … Continue reading →