Tag Archives: independence

The 2% Riot

I have been a skim milk person for as long as I can remember. Sometime, when I was a kid, they came out with the skim milk and my mom started buying it (it was after she gave up raising her own milk cows and went back to work outside the home). I loved how cold it got in the fridge and I became quite attached to skim milk. When out and about I could settle for 1% but never really questioned my preference. My own children have been raised on skim milk–but recently, the ravenous teenagers have started to … Continue reading →

Watch Out for Dependency

We single parents often wrestle with feeling the need to be TOO independent—at least that is how it has been for me. I have gotten so used to being on my own that I can very easily slip into stoicism. I do NOT find it easy to ask for, or accept help. But for some single parents, just the opposite is true—it becomes so much easier to accept help and let others take care of things, that becoming overly-dependent becomes a problem. Being encouraged and feeling a part of a supportive community and family is one thing; and it is … Continue reading →

Today’s Dating Emasculates Men

Normally I watch the Today Show as I eat breakfast in the mornings, but today Providence saw fit I should flip over to CBS’s The Early Show. It was right before Julie Chen started interviewing April Beyer, a Relationship Coach and Matchmaker. Can We Ask a Man Out? I didn’t exactly care for the word choice Chen used when she was starting off the interview. “Can we ask a man out? Can we pay?” Duh! Of course we “can.” We can do anything we want. The better question, and what I think she was probably trying to get at, would … Continue reading →

Kids With Single Parents Learn Life Skills

I truly believe that my kids are more independent, capable and have more general life skills than they would if they didn’t come from a single parent family. I realize that is a fairly bold statement, but I think my kids have had to learn to do more daily living things than they would have in another family situation. And this, I think, is a good thing. It’s not to say that they wouldn’t have eventually learned how to sort and do laundry, cook, clean up, do grocery shopping, ride the bus, etc. I was raised in the country by … Continue reading →

Letting Go of Needing to Prove Yourself to Others

Let’s face it, many of us as single parents feel like we have something to prove. We might feel like we need to prove that we are still good parents even if there is only one of us, we might feel like we need to prove we are good housekeepers and homemakers, good providers and wage-earners, likeable and loveable—you name it. Part of getting healthy as a single parent involves letting go of the need to prove to others that we are “just as good” and that our children and families are “just as good” as those that have two … Continue reading →

Single Parents Still Have Choices

For some reason, many single parents seem to feel as though their life is happening without their consent—that they no longer have any choices and each day is just a series of “have to dos.” In reality, even though life may not have turned out how you expected, you are still in control and you do still have plenty of choices. I think that given in to the feeling that you’ve run out of choices can contribute to depression and a feeling of helplessness. I definitely know what it feels like to suddenly be in a situation as a single … Continue reading →

Keeping Personal Experience in Perspective

There have always been a great many things about my children that remind me of ME when I was their age. Sometimes the looks they give me, or the color of their hair or some of the things they say are triggers for a stroll down memory lane; other times the things they are going through seem eerily reminiscent of experiences that I had. Still, I have had to learn that they are not simply re-living my life and they are NOT me—I have to keep my own personal experiences in check and allow and appreciate their separate lives and … Continue reading →

Encouraging Kids to Think for Themselves

My kids used to be masters at getting me to do things for them. As a matter of fact, sometimes we still fall into old patterns and I’ll step in to solve a problem, answer a question or offer up advice before I’m able to stop myself. But, in reality, I know that they will be better off if they continue learning how to think and problem-solve for themselves. The trick with encouraging kids to think on their own is that a parent has to let go of the need for things to be “right” and to let go of … Continue reading →

Every Day Is Independence Day

We have had a typical Independence Day around here–plenty of potato salad and a nice hot grill, not to mention a pie or two and plenty of time spent in and around the pool. As I was doing a little reading earlier today and watching the teenagers moving about, taking up so much space–it dawned on me that with parenting and family life, every day is really Independence Day… After all, the goal of parenting is to raise independent, self-supporting, caring and involved citizens. That is what we want for our kids, and even though our kids can’t really articulate … Continue reading →

Tolerating a Teen’s Redecorating

Hair, clothes, and body aren’t the only “canvases” that a teenager has at their disposal. The parent of a teenager may very well find herself facing some interesting interior decorating choices as well. As the parent of three teens, I am having to learn some patience and tolerance around the interior decorating changes that occur in my household… I remember a few years ago, a friend of mine had a teenager who painted the walls of his room dark blue. She had told him he could not paint them black, so he went as dark as he could without actually … Continue reading →