Tag Archives: insecurity

Dealing with Jealousy – part 1

Yesterday we looked at examples of jealousy in the Bible and the destructive situations jealousy can cause. We only have to look around us on any given day to see jealousy at work in our world, between siblings and family members, work colleagues, neighbors, film and TV stars, sportspeople, the list goes on. We might even struggle with jealousy in our lives. Where does jealousy stem from? It often stems from our own insecurities and lack of self confidence or fear. What is jealousy? According to Webster, the word jealous means “resentful and envious, as of someone’s success, achievements, advantages…” … Continue reading →

Are You Jealous of Your Child or Children?

As parents, we may think of jealousy as something we have to manage in our personal lives, or one of those green-eyed problems to teach our children about. We cope with sibling rivalry, co-worker rivalries, and other forms of jealousy but we might not think about whether or not we are actually jealous of our own children and whether that is affecting our family dynamics or not. I try to teach my children (and remind myself) the difference between envy and jealousy. As I simplify it for my kids, “envy” is when we want something that someone else has and … Continue reading →

Love You Forever–Reassuring Your Adopted Child

“I want to go bye-bye!” my four-year-old sobs. This has become her standard response to being reprimanded. I usually tell her she can go to her room. Then I make sure to add, “We’ll be here when you’re ready.” There is nothing particularly unusual about this, of course. It would be wrong to assume adoption is the primary cause of every emotion my daughters have. However, many adoptive parents and adoption professionals report that adopted children often experience insecurity and fear of abandonment. The last few times my daughter has wanted to go bye-bye, I tell her, “I would come … Continue reading →

Handling Daddy Questions

If you have gone through a divorce or lost a spouse from death, you will be faced with the day when your child starts asking about daddy. If your child is young, the questions may not come for a while but eventually, they will. Even if your child is quite young when the divorce or death occurred, the day will come, usually after your child starts school, when he or she wants to know where daddy is. Remember, children are very smart and they will notice that other families have daddies while they have none. Without doubt, addressing this issue … Continue reading →

Insecurity in Adopted Children, Part 2

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In July, 2004, we found out that the birth mother of our four boys had given birth to yet another boy. I will write on that event soon. I want to now focus on a detail of what happened. We quickly informed the state authorities that we wanted him. As we were making arrangements to pick him up, they described him as a beautiful child that was definitely African American. The boys are racially mixed; four of our five boys have African American ancestry. They all are various shades of brown, but only one clearly has the typical features of … Continue reading →

Insecurity in Adopted Children

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Our adopted children occasionally struggle with feeling secure with their new family. Some of the behaviors are obvious and expected, while others are not. Tommy came to our home from a brief stay in a foster home which had followed a stay in an inner city shelter. He was 30 months old. He was prone to throwing rages. Many of them were triggered by insecurity issues. Tommy would become hysterical when either of us left the house. It was even triggered when he heard one of us discussing running an errand. The mere sight of a suitcase or a packed … Continue reading →

Addressing Other Adoptive Mothers’ Insecurities

Though there are stories of children who leave their adoptive family to reunite with birth family, it’s important for people to know these cases truly are on the rare end and often result from negative experiences in their adoptive homes. I’d like to take a moment to share some things I’ve observed in the last several years with adoptive mothers especially, who have reacted as a result of their own fears in regard to adoption. It grieves me to no end when I hear of adoptive parents withholding necessary information from their child, or sheltering them due to their own … Continue reading →

Marriage Tips: Jealousy is Not a Positive Sign in a Relationship

When we think of someone getting jealous, we think that it means they must really care about us. Jealousy is not a positive sign in a relationship though because jealousy is a very negative emotion. The idea that you can test someone’s love for you by flirting with another person and that how your spouse reacts is an indicator of their love is not only faulty, it’s dangerous. Jealousy has its roots low self-esteem and fear. People are more likely to be jealous when they don’t believe they are lovable or that they are not worthy of being loved. They … Continue reading →

Does This Make Me Look Fat?

Every man knows -or will no doubt quickly learn- that there is no good answer to the question, “Does this make me look fat?” If your wife asks you this question, the best advice is to avoid a yes or no answer at all costs, and say something positive. If you say yes, you are in deep trouble. If you say no, she most likely won’t believe you anyway. What is it that drives women to put our husbands in this position? Frankly, it is usually insecurity that is the root of the problem, and this insecurity drives us to … Continue reading →

Does Your Husband Flirt?

Is your husband a huge flirt? Does he flirt like he breathes? Do you get tired of hearing him refer to others as sweetheart and hon? Does it make you crazy that he doesn’t understand why it bothers you? It can be deeply frustrating to see how easily your husband can put an arm around someone else, demonstrate deep affection or use pet names for other people that are not you. First, Understand Why You Feel This Way It’s important to understand why you feel this way. Are you feeling neglected? Is his attentions to others taking away that affection … Continue reading →