Tag Archives: letting go

Learning To Let Go

It’s always hard to let go of your children. I think as a single parent of an only child, it’s even harder. Since the divorce Hailey has been the focus of my life. Everything I do or don’t do, I always consider her first. There have been many time I haven’t done things I wanted to do because I didn’t want to leave her home alone. My days have been planned around her schedule and her needs. One benefit of this is that I always know where she is and who she is with. Not so much anymore. Now that … Continue reading →

Protecting Your Child from Mistakes

You can’t always protect your children from mistakes. Sometimes you’ve got to let them go, trusting God to uphold and undertake for them. It’s not easy. I know. Letting go is something I struggle with, but I’ve had to learn to do it. You have to trust that you have brought them up so that ultimately they will make the right choices and not make decisions that will endanger their lives. It might mean making choices we won’t agree with, like dating a non Christian or them becoming involved in activities we would rather they did not or that we … Continue reading →

Almost Six Years Old, or Only Five Years Here?–More Adoption Time Muddles

Mary Ann recently wrote a blog on Should You Hold Your Child Back a Year? This is really pertinent for me right now. I wrote a blog last month about my ambivalence about Regina starting school. She is a bit behind in speech and fine motor skills and is not big on sitting still. (Adopted kids often have a difference between their developmental age and their chronological age. This may be because attachment anxiety keeps them from concentrating their energy on development, or because adopted children often repeat developmental stages with their new family. For internationally adopted kids, less time … Continue reading →

“Backing Off” is a Process

I have written lately about letting go of kids who are growing up. I have been quite open in sharing my experiences with having two of my three children graduating from the high school experience and preparing to move on to college. A big chunk of my focus as a parent, particularly as a single parent, lately has been learning how to let go and back off. As much as I would like to report that I am doing it perfectly, I am learning as I go. I have good days and bad ones. Sometimes I say and do the … Continue reading →

Do You Love Them Enough to Cut Them Off?

As many of you know, I have been through many different stages of parenting—most of them as a single parent. Now my children are getting to the launching years. At the ages of 18, 17 and 16—we are moving out of the world where I have been in control and into a time when they need to take control for their own lives. This can be a rocky time for children and parents alike and as a single parent; it can be tough to know when to indulge and when to say “no.” There is a point when we have … Continue reading →

Who Is Keeping Score?

Do you find yourself keeping track of who has done what to whom in your life? Perhaps you are still holding a grudge against your ex, or an in-law or maybe even a whole passel of people? I believe that keeping score and holding grudges can get to be a habit—we just tend to worry that we are somehow getting cheated or that we are not getting our fair share and keeping track of what is going on with others around us seems to be a reasonable anecdote. It isn’t. Instead of making us feel better, keeping score can make … Continue reading →

Forgive, Forgive, Forgive!

I wrote earlier today about how hanging on to hate can waste a lot of time. It dawned on me as I was finishing up, however, that the anecdote to hate is really forgiveness and while we often talk about the importance of forgiveness and letting go, few of us know how drastic forgiveness can be. It has taken me over forty years to learn that forgiveness is NOT giving up or letting others have control over me; it also does not mean that I am forgetting or allowing myself to make the same mistakes over and over again. What … Continue reading →

If it’s Making You Crazy—Try Easing Up

I do not think it matters how sweet and angelic of a child you have, at some point, there are going to be behaviors and personality quirks that drive you crazy! Whether your cherubic baby develops into a picky eater or will wear nothing but shorts and rubber boots for his entire fourth year (I had one of those)—there are going to be things that come up and you are going to be tempted to battle and battle and battle. The only advice I can offer after two decades of parenting is that sometimes easing up is really the best … Continue reading →

Clearing the Slate

Sometimes in life, there is nothing to do but start over. I believe that there are times in our experiences as parents when it becomes necessary to wipe the slate clean too and start over—whether it is with our children in some capacity or with our personal philosophies of parenting, there are times when we really need to just stop, clear the slate, and begin again… I have experienced the need to clear the slate with my kids and as a parent on several occasions—there have been those times when I felt betrayed or as if I just could not … Continue reading →

Wrestling with Regrets

I have always been a little wary of people who say that they have never experienced feelings of regret. While I do agree that we need to do what we can to let things go and move on, I also do not think that is always an easy thing to do. For single parents, wrestling with regrets can be something we either do regularly or at least something that can keep us from being able to move ahead in our lives. Who doesn’t have some doubts and misgivings about choices we’ve made and things that have happened in our lives? … Continue reading →