Tag Archives: limits

Are You Afraid of How Your Child will React?

There is no doubt that fear can be a great motivator—it can spur us on to do some things, while keeping us from trying others. As parents, we definitely wrestle with our share of fear—worrying about our child’s health and well being and taming both our irrational and rational fears. One area where fear does NOT help us be better parents is when we back off from doing what we should do because we are afraid of our child’s reaction. I do not know a single parent who actually enjoys being the “bad guy” or the one who has to … Continue reading →

When Timeouts Stop Working

Timeouts are definitely the discipline technique of preference for the preschool set. This has become such a popular way to deal with just about everything and anything a child may do with questionable behavior. For many children and parents, the day comes when timeouts lose their effectiveness. You might assume that a timeout will not work on a thirteen-year-old, but you might be surprised to have a defiant four-year-old or elementary-age child who is balking at the timeout. What is a parent to do when a child refuses to participate in the trusty timeout? I hate to break it to … Continue reading →

Balancing Decisions and Choices (Yours and Theirs)

I tend to write fairly often about decisions and choices—the importance of letting our children learn how to make decisions and take chances on their own instead of our doing everything for them as parents. I realize, however, that there has to be some balance between our making decisions and choices as parents, and our child’s making decisions and choices too… In my experience as a parent—and most of that time as a single parent—I have learned that when I start to feel resentment and completely overwhelmed, then things are likely out of balance. While I want my kids to … Continue reading →

Ask Yourself: “Is it Worth the Trouble?”

We’ve talked about picking one’s battles with children here in the Parents blog and we’ve talked about power struggles and all sorts of other “struggles”–not to mention all the different times that family life calls for letting go. But, what about those times when giving in and letting go ARE NOT the orders of the day? What about those times when digging in and holding one’s own as a parent is really the best thing to do? Sometimes, fighting those battles really is worth all the stress and trouble… While I can think of plenty of times when I have … Continue reading →

Know Your Own Limits

What are you willing to do? How hard are you willing to work? Will you consider taking two jobs for the sake of your family or relocating for work? Do you want to make less money in order to be available for your child or family? Do you have enough energy to go to school AND work while caring for your family? There are so many options for a single parent (despite how it may seem sometimes) that we may get roped into thinking we are supposed to do it all. It is important to understand our own limits and … Continue reading →

Let Your Kids Know They Can Blame it on You

I remember very clearly the few times in my adolescence and growing up years that I was able to “pass the buck” on my parents and how much I appreciated it. Sure, there were plenty of times when I felt oppressed by their unjust rules and all the times I thought they didn’t understand me–but there were also those times when I was grateful to be able to say: “My parents won’t let me” or “my mom said no.” I know for a fact that my own kids have felt the same way. They have been plenty angry at times … Continue reading →

Despite Appearance, They Really Do Want Structure

It might seem obvious that little children need and want structure and organization surrounding their lives–but it can become less obvious as kids get older. The way they push against those limits and seem to embrace mess and chaos can cause us to believe that they really don’t want the structure and organization we parents impose. But, the truth is–even those teenagers who are telling us to “loosen up” and “butt out” really do want structure and organization–they are just trying to learn how to do some it themselves. I think we humans strive to make order and structure out … Continue reading →

Tolerance or Boundaries?

My children sometimes accuse me of having “over-developed” boundaries. While they have no idea that I have developed those personal limits and boundaries over the years in response to all sort of life events, I do see how sometimes my boundaries can seem like I am lacking in tolerance. My children are not the only ones who have taken issue with my boundaries–there have been a few others (coworkers and friends) who have wondered where my boundaries stop, and intolerance begins… I think this can be a hard one–both personally and as a parent trying to model both healthy boundaries … Continue reading →

Trying to Talk a Child OUT of What He Wants or How He Feels

I will say up front that I am of the opinion that trying to talk a child out of a want or a feeling not only doesn’t work, it can also actually make things worse. We might discredit our child without intending to or we may just be trying to find a way to move on from an uncomfortable situation. I suppose I believe that a big part of a parent’s authority comes from a basic level of confidence and boundaries. If our boundaries are strong and healthy, we know where our own decisions, thoughts, wants, behaviors, etc. end and … Continue reading →

Don’t Give Up on Discipline

Discipline can be one of the first things to go for the frazzled single parent. After all, we just get too darned tired or overwhelmed or, if we’ve got more than one child, we may feel completely out-numbered. But, the truth is, we single parents really NEED discipline and we need to maintain some order and authority with our kids. When I talk of discipline, I’m not talking about punishment—I’m talking about structure and rules and expectations and follow through when it comes to consequences. One of the myths and stereotypes of single parents is that our kids run free … Continue reading →