Tag Archives: marriage advice

Seven Habits That Will Harm Your Marriage

Avoiding the following seven habits may also help you avoid a divorce. Psychiatrist William Glasser, MD and his wife, Carleen Glasser, MA, co-authored a marriage advice book called Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage. In the book, they mention “seven deadly habits” (they like numbers, it seems) that can lead to marital strife. They are: criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and bribing. It seems sometimes in our marriages that we don’t even realize that we are doing some of these things–hence the fact that they are habits I suppose. While I haven’t read the Glasser’s take on these myself, … Continue reading →

What’s on the Agenda?

One of the things that usually happens on weekend mornings is that one of us, either my husband or myself, will ask the other, “What’s on the agenda today?” This is a way of us checking with each other on what we would like to have accomplished over the weekend, when we are both home and usually not working. Since we have three kids, the agenda includes them, although right now because of their ages, they aren’t included in the actual decisions. Things on the agenda might be something simple such as buying apples, or fixing a leaky pipe, or … Continue reading →

Seek Help Early with Marriage Difficulties

Did you know that the average couple waits and entire six years before asking help for marital difficulties? This fact is from the Gottman Institute, a research facility that has been studying marriage since 1973. Furthermore, most marriages end within the first seven years (also called “the seven year itch”). This is a sad state of affairs. It means that so many couples live with unhappy marriages for far too long. Unhappiness in marriage will ultimately lead to divorce in the majority of cases. Not only this, but unhappy marriages can affect the lives of the individuals themselves, subjecting them … Continue reading →

The Gift of Unconditional Acceptance

Unconditional acceptance of another person is a wonderful thing that is very difficult to achieve, and maybe impossible to achieve 100 percent. But that is okay. The more effort and understanding we put into our marriages, along with a good dose of love, the closer we can come to this ideal. When you first meet someone and then fall in love with him or her, the whole thing is rather exciting. You may find yourself overlooking the other person’s faults (and we all have them) or trying to cover up your own. But marriage is all about trust, to whatever … Continue reading →

Resisting the Urge to “Mother” Your Spouse

This morning, as I was waiting for the bus with my son and our neighbors, it was pouring rain. While my son and I were under umbrellas, my poor husband was going back and forth bringing out four barrels of recycling (we generate more recycling than we do garbage). He was wearing his good coat with a hat and hood, so that offered some protection. Still, his pants were pretty wet at the shins and cuffs. Seeing him like this, I offered to run into the house to fetch another pair of pants that he could then change into when … Continue reading →

The Pleasure of a Romantic Movie

It is funny how things work out. Last night, my husband and I had a rare couple of hours to ourselves. It hasn’t been easy lately. With family and friends dropping over for the holidays, and me working in the evenings after dinner, we seem to keep missing some alone time. So back to last night. We collapsed on the couch together and before we could even consciously decide how we wanted to spend the rest of the evening, we got sucked into a movie on cable television. I got sucked in first when I turned the television on for … Continue reading →

How the Economy Can Affect Your Marriage

An economy in recession can put a lot of stress on a marriage, and not just from increased worry about paying the bills, although of course money worries can always create some tension. In tough times, personality differences, even differences in gender may make the situation ripe for conflict. Let’s talk about this issue and how we can recognize when the economy is affecting our marriages. In a tough economy there may be stress over where the money is spent. If you have one spouse who is a saver and the other who likes to spend, the difference between the … Continue reading →

Get Started on the Appreciation Box for Valentine’s Day

Happy New Year! In 2009 you can vow to better appreciate your spouse. Here is one idea that I adapted from a parenting discipline method. it works wonderfully for married couples, too. I call it the appreciation box. As you are cleaning up from the holidays, packing away the decorations and gathering up all of the wrapping for the recycling pile, pick out a small box to save. It could be a shoe box or even a square tissue box. Take this box and decorate it for Valentine’s Day. Label it “The Appreciation Box.” Yes, I know we have another … Continue reading →

Consider Yourself Lucky

Here is why you are the luckiest person in the world. So many times in marriage, we look at our relationships and think about all of the little ways that we are unlucky. We compare our lives and our marriages with those of our friends or even those of people on television or in movies. “Wow,” we think. “Why couldn’t I have been lucky enough to find someone who makes more money, who has better ambition, who lets me sleep in on weekends or who doesn’t leave the seat up?” We may talk about how lucky so-and-so is to have … Continue reading →

The 60-40 Rule

Many experts in the field of marriage advice will tell you that a successful marriage is 50/50. I beg to disagree. In fact, I think the 60/40 rule is really the secret. What is the 60/40 rule? That is where one person gives 60 percent and expects only 40 percent back. Now before you start telling me that this is completely unfair and why should one partner in the marriage only get 40 percent, let me explain. For the 60/40 rule to work, BOTH partners have to follow the same rule of giving 60 percent and accepting or taking or … Continue reading →