When her foster mother first learned that nine year old Elizabeth’s case plan was changed from reunification with her biological mother to adoption–her role changed. Foster mom was now responsible for helping Elizabeth get ready to become an adoptive placement with a family the state would soon select as Elizabeth’s forever family. Elizabeth’s foster mother had very good intentions and did her best to prepare her for the future transition. She made it very clear to her that she needed to remember all the things she had taught her during the past year. Her foster mother, however, made a few … Continue reading →

The State adoption process, and in some cases international adoption process, itself promotes incomplete claiming of the child. Potential adoptive parents are often encouraged to meet the possible adoptive child before making a commitment to adopt that particular child. International adoptive parents are often required to make more then one visit to country and meet with the child they are matched with before the actual pick-up trip. Approved State adoptive parents may be invited to attend “Adoption Parties” where waiting children are given barbecues, pizza parties or picnics in parks and potential adoptive parents are invited to meet, talk, and … Continue reading →

Our culture seems to have strong social messages that work against an unconditional commitment of adopting older children. People talk about “molding” a child and it’s a generally accepted attitude that the younger a child is when placed for adoption the better. Parents have more control and influence over such things as personality development, moral and social values, and behavior norms. Developmentally this is a good argument and a valid point of view, however, this social message becomes dangerous to the claiming process when parents are encouraged to see the older child as somehow alien, not part of themselves, and … Continue reading →

The majority of parents keep their baby or child. However, there are too many adoptive parents, especially those who adopt an older child, who think they can give them back or trade them in as if they were a used car. It is true that many biological parents relinquish their child, but not nearly as often or with such ease, as do adoptive parents of older children. It’s a fact that parents adopting older children are expected to meet a higher level of special needs then biological parents or infant adoptive parents. Pre-placement training makes it very clear that adopting … Continue reading →