Tag Archives: parenting choices

What is Your Child’s Biggest Area of Resistance?

Many of us assume that when our child is resisting, we naturally should back off and not force the issue. Well, this is true some of the time—but sometimes, those areas of resistance are where we should pay some extra attention… Understanding resistance as a way of deflecting attention from what is really bother you, or what really needs attention can take some effort on the part of the parent. Think of your own experiences with resistance—chances are, where you pushed, balked and refused to look at things more closely was probably right where you NEEDED to look at things … Continue reading →

When You Change Your Mind about Parenting Choices

Parenting choices are not written in stone—even if we do know that we need to be consistent and set firm boundaries, there are still those times when we change our minds. Experience teaches us a thing or two or we discover that what worked with one child does not necessarily work with another so we need to adjust. There is no shame and should not be any guilt, but it can be tough figuring out just how to go about changing our mind without losing face… If truth be told, in my two decades of parenting, I have changed my … Continue reading →

Prevention…as a Parenting Goal

Focusing in on what we can prevent as parents may seem a little idealistic. After all, too much concentration on trying to stop things before they start can affect our flexibility and reaction time. But, I still think there is something to be said for preparation and prevention and trying to figure out what sort of behavior issues, bad habits, and chaotic messes we can prevent—before we ever have to deal with them… I think that how a parent handles prevention is one of the ways you can tell a really seasoned parent—the ones who have learned how to keep … Continue reading →

When to Intervene…and When NOT to…

I think one of the most ambiguous and challenging aspects of parenting can be figuring out when to butt in, and when to mind my own business. From the time my children were tiny, knowing when I should step in and help them up, stop an argument, help with homework, tell them what I think they should do, etc. and when I should be a silent supportive has been a tough one for me. When do we parents intervene? And when do we not? Safety is a no brainer. If a child is in danger or is doing something unsafe, … Continue reading →

It Doesn’t Feel Like I’m Overreacting at the Time!

Keeping my cool, staying calm, achieving a state of Zen—however I try to describe it, it all comes down to my trying NOT to overreact around the parenting issues or things that happen in our family… I have to say that at the time, my reactions feel entirely appropriate. I wrote earlier today about how I have a hard time keeping my cool when dealing with institutions, bureaucracies and difficult “customer service” representatives—at the time, my anger and frustration seem absolutely justified. Maybe they are not very productive, but they feel natural! I know in my head, however, that staying … Continue reading →

How Will Our Children Remember Us?

When I am tempted to get snarky and bitter or say something about my children’s father that I may regret, I ask myself a simple question: How do I want my children to remember me as a parent? While I understand that I cannot control everything and certainly will not be able to dictate how my kids think of me years from now, I can make personal choices now that may cause them to remember me with fondness and respect. It is easy to get caught up in the moment and say whatever comes to mind. Not to mention, we … Continue reading →

Can we Really be “Hands Off” with the Other Parent?

While not all single parents have another involved parent out there to contend with, many of us do. I have read articles and books that advise a “hands off” policy with the other parent–allowing the other parent to run things his (or her) way while the kids are with that parent. I try to keep my distance and stay on my own turf when it comes to my children’s father, but it definitely is not always easy. There are times when it really seems like we need to discuss things or at least come to some mutual agreement. Of course, … Continue reading →

Does This Action Demand a Response From Me?

I think one of the hardest things for me to do as a parent is to NOT respond to something my children say or do. I am deeply entrenched in being responsive after years of mothering and it is often difficult for me to evaluate whether the best response from me at any given moment might be no response at all. Cause and effect, action and reaction—thus is the dance of many a parent and child. Our children behave in a certain way, act out, say something and we respond in kind or at least with something we think is … Continue reading →

In Praise of Patience

The other day, I was on a bus coming home from a very hectic and kooky day. The bus was crowded and a young mother got on with a rather vocal and “busy” toddler. As soon as the bus got good and crowded, and started to pull away from the station curb, the toddler started into screaming and crying. I’m talking head-splitting, ear-piercing, not-what-you-want-to-hear-at-five-o’clock fit-throwing. While I wouldn’t have blamed the mother if she lost her cool, instead I was dazzled by how patient and playful she remained—even under the annoyance and heavy gazes of a bus full of commuters. … Continue reading →

Are You “Rescuing”?

I admit that I sometimes wrestle with “rescuing” behaviors as a parent. It can be incredibly challenging not to step in and try to “help” our kids when they get in a bind or a scrape. And sometimes, it can be confusing as to whether we are actually rescuing or we are participating in natural and logical consequences. None of us is perfect, but keeping the “question” of whether or not we are rescuing our child when he or she needs to stand on his own can help us to keep from intervening when we shouldn’t. Think of rescuing as … Continue reading →