Tag Archives: problem resolution

When Your Spouse Doesn’t Listen

You often hear women joke that men have ‘selective hearing.’ But sometimes it is not a joke. Have you ever felt like that what you say to your spouse is not getting through to them? Whether it’s sex, work, household chores, friends and time spent with them, hobbies –the topic doesn’t matter particularly, if it’s a problem it needs to be talked about in a calm, reasonable manner that is non accusatory and blaming. But what if you’ve done that? Your spouse has appeared to be listening, made all the right noises, agreed things need to change and then…. Nothing … Continue reading →

Marriage Advice: Different Styles of Discipline in Your Marriage

How you discipline your children or how you plan to discipline your children are not likely topics of discussion for two people planning to get married. If you did talk about this prior to getting married and worked out a number of these issues ahead of time, my hat is off to you. My husband and I were together for many years before we were married and our daughter arrived just shortly after our first anniversary. As an infant, discipline wasn’t really an issue – discipline doesn’t really start until your children are older. Discipline Can Make Your Marriage Bumpy … Continue reading →

Creating A Safe Environment for Conflict

This may sound a little odd, but your marriage should be a place where you can create a safe environment for conflict. Arguments in marriage are not necessarily a bad thing. When a married couple argues, they are demonstrating their passion, their need for change and their ability to communicate. Conflict and arguments in a marriage can be very healthy for the couple. When you and your spouse participate in healthy conflict, you can actually build a respectful and loving partnership that is based on communication and passion. How Do We Do That? This is a question we have to … Continue reading →

Marriage Tips: Going to Bed Mad is Not Always Bad

You always hear that you should never go to bed mad. You should stay up and resolve the problems between you and your spouse. Arguments and disagreements are disruptive to a person’s health and their home. So how can going to bed mad be good – when we’re always told it’s bad? Consider for a moment, when you’re exhausted and angry, that you are in an emotionally charged state and that you are less likely to be reasonable or willing to be reasonable. In fact, the longer you try to settle an argument when you are that angry, the less … Continue reading →

Before Giving Insult or Injury

There is an old saying that says you hurt the ones you love. When you are married, there is every chance you will hurt the one you love. It doesn’t need to be intentional; in fact chances are it’s going to be very unintentional. When you live with someone, there are a dozen little things you can both do to the other that can inflict injury and to be honest, it happens. Day in and day out, we make mistakes, we err and we injure or cause hurt to each other. The hurts don’t have to be serious – but … Continue reading →

Do You Know How to Fight Fairly?

Do you know how to fight fairly? I didn’t. In fact, I grew up in a household where bickering was just a prelude to an all out fight where people meant what they said and there was no friendly nattering going on. My husband and I had to learn the rules of how we would handle disagreements. He needed to learn how to how tone it down where I was concerned and I needed to learn to dial back my temper so that instead of hurling insults that were completely counterproductive to problem resolution. It’s hard to find a handbook … Continue reading →

Marriage Advice: Don’t Go To Bed Angry

Not going to bed angry sounds great in theory, but in the middle of a knockdown, drag-out fight or extended silent treatment, going to bed is a welcome escape. Falling asleep is another matter. Anger erodes relationships; it resides deep in a person’s soul, affecting reactions, the ability to love and even physical health. While anger may seem exceptionally demonstrative and extroverted, anger can also be very introverted and hidden as a person bottles up their bitterness and ill thoughts. Make Appointments If you are extremely angry and resolution is the last thing on your mind, then it is better … Continue reading →

What Didn’t I Say?

When it comes to arguing with our spouse, we ask ourselves what did we say? But more often than not, it’s not what we said in the argument that matters – it’s what didn’t we say? A lot of arguments come from the things we didn’t say and when we hold back, that withdrawal can lead to feelings of hostility and defensiveness on both sides of the relationship. What do I Mean? Well, let’s look at it this way: your husband comes home from work. He’s in a bad mood and he had a really bad day at the office. … Continue reading →

Forgive & Forget

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One of the hardest parts of disagreeing with your spouse is that it’s not always easy to forgive transgressions whether they are real or imagined. Yet, even more difficult than forgiving a transgression is forgetting one. Now bear with me, because the old saying goes fool me once, shame on you — fool me twice, shame on me – we all tend to get a little gun shy. However, if love and passion are going to survive in your marriage you have to learn how to wipe the slate clean, forgive each other and forget. While you do not necessarily … Continue reading →

Problem Solving – Resolving Together

How can I fix my partner? That’s not the question you should ask if you’re working on resolving problems. Resolving a problem takes both parties and you should never focus on fixing your partner’s problems or issues. You cannot fix their problems. You can only fix your own. The first step is to make positive changes in us. If the thought that goes through your mind is ‘why should I make the changes?’ It’s important to understand that when you take the initiative, you have the most to gain and you are setting the agenda. That’s right, you are taking … Continue reading →