Tag Archives: protective behaviors

A Developing Recipe for a Slice of Change

Due to personal reasons, I’ve been up since 1.15 this morning. My morning (work hours) consisted of three interviews with people affected by child sexual assault. I returned to my office to 6 calls waiting for me. Two were from the Criminal Investigation Bureau about historical sexual assault cases I’ve had involvement with over the years, one was from a Child Care Centre wanting some Protective Behavior Training, one was from the tax office (oh cringe – how I didn’t want to ring them back!) and two were from existing clients. Even the tax office was sexual assault related because … Continue reading →

Topical Whensday: When Will Your Yes Mean Yes and Your No Mean No.

“Yes means yes, no means no,” has been a long trialed slogan, trotted out to raise awareness around rape and sexual assault. Yes, great. Is it working? No. Research supports that it can be difficult for many children and women to say no in risky situations because they are often scared and because they have seldom had the opportunity to have their “no” listened to and respected. Being assertive takes practice. Saying “no” when everyone else is saying “yes” can leave many people isolated and bullied. Desperate to fit in, to be liked, to be part of the crowd, many … Continue reading →

How to Ask a Child if They’ve Been Sexually Abused.

The hard and awful questions of are life are usually left in the too hard basket. Parents may have an inkling that something is wrong because their child’s behavior has changed. While some parents never even consider that it could be sexual abuse, other parents (like me) worry themselves sick over the possibility of sexual abuse but most will never raise it as a possibility with their child. Sexual abuse is a hard topic to begin talking about if it has not been part of at home protective behavior discussions. Mebe’s story and early craving for someone to ask him … Continue reading →

Teachable Moments in Protective Play.

Protective play is about finding teachable moments, during play, to introduce the five BITSS elements of protective behaviors. BITSS play can help you to protect your child by introducing talk about Body Ownership, Intuition, Touch, Say No and Support Networks before anything horrible happens to your child. I run Protective Play parties to teach parents how easy it is to do. I take a stock of everyday toys with me and we sit and play as if kids would. During the play I coach in how find and grab that teachable moment and mentor the participants through play tutoring. It … Continue reading →

When Bad Things Happen Again and Again.

It is not uncommon for a woman or child to reveal that many different perpetrators have sexually abused them throughout their life. There are neuropsychological and cognitive theories to explain why this happens. This does not mean that these theories are correct; it is just a way to help us understand how it is possible for one good person to attract so many bad things. What really gets me angered is when I hear people comment that the child or woman must be lying; that it is impossible for anybody to be sexually abused that many times. It is possible, … Continue reading →

Protective Behaviors at Bath Time are Lush.

Bath time is an excellent time to begin talking about Protective Behaviors. While washing children you can tell them about their private parts: the parts that nobody can touch unless it’s Mom or Dad giving them a quick wash or putting medicine there, or the Dr. or Nurse having a quick check to make sure all is well. The private parts are the body bits covered by our underwear or swimming costumes. Private means, “This is my body and it’s not for sharing. If you touch, I’m going to tell.” Although this seems super easy to me, many parents struggle … Continue reading →

Date Rape

Date Rape is when someone you are dating forces or manipulates you into having sex when you really don’t want to. Regardless of your relationship with that person, even if you love and trust them, sex without your clear and un-pressured “yes,” is rape. Rape is against the law. Many people wrongly think that because their date paid for dinner, movies, coffee, etc, that they are expected to repay the favor by having sex. WRONG. When I invite people to dinner, or pay for their coffee when I go out, I certainly do not expect them to sleep with me. … Continue reading →

Umbrellas and Parrots to Help Play Protect our Children. Thanks Mary Poppins.

I’m back and how I have missed my friends at families.com. However, my recent Protective Play tour to Maryborough was Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. I was guest speaker at the breakfast launch of Sexual Violence Awareness month and facilitated a four-hour training in the BITSS model of Protective Behaviors. Twenty-one social science professionals attended the training and we played with everyday toys and household items in an effort to discover novel ways to instill protective behavior teachable moments into families’ homes. Of most interest to me was the revisit of the umbrella as a protective play tool. Umbrellas are useful for protection from … Continue reading →

What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? The Five to Eight Year Olds.

This is the third article in the series. Click on the links to view the introduction, or, three to five-year-old articles. The five to eight-years olds are the ones who really seem to get into trouble the most, for simply enacting a normal part of their development. This is the stage where therapists are sent these children to “fix” them. So, is there increased abnormal sexual behavior in this age group? I think not. This age group is highly sociable, have started school, and have many more sets of authoritarian eyes watching their every move. The children are learning the … Continue reading →

What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? The Three to Five-Year-Olds.

The introduction to Age Appropriate Sexual Development can be viewed here. The pre-school child now has increased vocabulary and contact with a larger number of people. The children remain curious about their own bodies and the bodies of others. They are becoming acutely aware, and interested, of the difference between a boy body and a girl body and will typically start asking questions like, “Why does Daddy have a penis?” Their increased social contacts may bring them into contact with other Moms who are pregnant, or indeed, there may even be pregnancy in their own home. The questions continue: “Where … Continue reading →