Tag Archives: protective behaviors

What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? Introduction.

A child of four inserts a pair of scissors into her bottom. A child of eight attempts to put his penis into his little sister’s vagina. Is this acceptable behavior? No. Is it developmentally normal? No. These are indicators of something being wrong and worthy of concern. What is developmentally normal though? It can be so confusing and scary when a parent catches their children engaged in sex play. Usually the parents first reaction is shock, followed quickly by anger, and then concern, both for their own perception of perhaps being a bad parent and then for their child: “Am … Continue reading →

Stranger Danger versus Relation Sensation

While watching Lemony Snicket’s “A series of Unfortunate Events” for the 500th time since its release onto DVD, I was reminded to take the NAPCAN Child Friendly Challenge. I asked the two Master 10 year-olds what they would require in a child friendly community. Their answers: 1. “friendly people who don’t ask weird questions to find out about you”, 2. “No strangers”. Their answers puzzled me. One child is my son and the other, a son of my colleague. Both children are well versed in protective behaviors with their parents being sexual assault therapists. What are we doing wrong if … Continue reading →

How Children Learn the Cycle of Violence

The Cycle of Violence is a pattern of behavior that occurs in many relationships. It is insidious, refuses to use clear communication, and relies on people reacting through behaviors rather than clearly identifying and calmly stating their case. Why are so many adults sucked into the Cycle of Violence? Because they have learnt it as children. This is how it goes… Mum awoke this morning with conviction anew. During the night she had slept badly, worried that she was yelling at the kids too much. Leaping out of bed, eager to start a new day, she said aloud to her … Continue reading →

The Cycle of Violence: part 6, Tension Build Up.

Yesterday in “Normal”, we saw the cyclic behavior beginning to slip back to old and habitual ways of operating. You may remember that the mother said nothing about her partner’s outburst at the children. She instead just thought that his behavior was a bit tough. He’d been trying so hard that she didn’t want to be negative and spoil the positive changes that he had made. However, his outburst is the first indicator that the behavior is on a downhill slide and that the household is beginning to become unsafe. During the Tension Build Up stage of the relationship, tensions … Continue reading →

Not All Men Sexually Abuse Children

Australia celebrates Father’s Day on the first Sunday in September. That makes it this Sunday. Because the world’s countries celebrate Father’s day on different dates we are provided with multiple opportunities to be reminded of how special Dads are. How wonderful for those Dads that may have dual citizenship. They get to have multiple days where their protection of, and love and concern for, their children are openly celebrated. At a Protective Play Party yesterday, many of the Mums and children were talking about what they had planned as a surprise for Daddy on Sunday. Some other Mums and children … Continue reading →

Child Protection Week

Child Protection Week is an opportunity for community to reflect on their protection practices and to celebrate kids being kids. This week, Australian communities are celebrating their children, their commitments to keeping children safe, and our active involvement with families who are struggling. This morning’s launch encouraged people to consult with children to find out what they want to help keep them safe. Have a look at the NAPCAN site to see what some Australian children have already said. It’s interesting that the responses lack items like play stations or expensive trips away. Australian children are identifying love, peace and … Continue reading →

Sexual Predators Groom for Silence

Yesterday we looked at the grooming process that sexual predators use on children and their adult supports. The predators purposely groom to trick and manipulate others into believing that the abuser is a wonderful, caring person. Throughout this devious method of control, they also groom the child to stay silent. A threat doesn’t have to be made in anger. A soft, caring voice that warns a child that if they tell, the family will be destroyed is as effective as holding a knife to a child’s throat. Children love and trust their families; they do not want to be the … Continue reading →

The Grooming Process of a Child Sexual Predator.

Grooming is a process of desensitization that predators use on children to prepare and trick them into accepting sexual abuse. Once the predator has gained the child’s trust and confidence, they use everyday behaviours, like telling an inappropriate joke, a touch on the upper arm that lingers a little too long or a kiss on the lips to test whether your child is likely to tell on them. If the perpetrator is satisfied that your child won’t tell, the predator moves onto other forms of bad touching. If the child still doesn’t tell, then the abuse continues along the continuum … Continue reading →

Talking with Children About Sexuality.

The best protection from sexual assault that we can offer our children is to combine clear protective behavior skills with sexuality education. Previous blogs on the BITSS model of protective play covered different games to play for aiding skill development. However, sexuality? Isn’t that the same thing as protective behaviors? No. Many people simplify sexuality by assuming that it is about partner choice: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or transsexual. This is only a small part of sexuality. Anna Freud (daughter of Sigmund Freud) beautifully quoted the difference by stating, “Sex is what we do, sexuality is who we are.” Who we … Continue reading →

Final BITSS of Protective Play

As we’ve seen over the previous five BITSS articles on Body ownership, Intuition, Touch, Say no and Support networks, there are endless ways to include BITSS activities and games as part of your child’s everyday life. The suggestions provided were an entree to get you thinking and playing protectively. Stay curious, create different activities, seek out more information or think about getting a few resources from sexual assault centers or other places that deal with child sexual abuse. There are also some great computer games that children can play to help them learn about personal safety. Hold a protective behaviors … Continue reading →