Tag Archives: self esteem

Dealing with the “Not Enough” Feelings

As single parents, many of us feel stretched and pulled in a thousand directions. Most of us really do want to be all that we can be and this means a great parent, a good friend or romantic partner, a solid and valued worker or employee, a positive citizen, etc. Unfortunately, many of us also wrestle with feelings constantly that we are “not enough”; that we will somehow never measure up to the expectations of others or ever be adequate enough to receive approval, love, acceptance, etc. As most of you know, I am not a psychologist or therapist or … Continue reading →

Don’t Make Sibling Comparisons

I know that this may seem like a “no brainer” as we used to say in the 1990’s–comparing one child to his or her sibling-whether you think you are being positive or not, is seldom a good idea. No matter how mild you think you are being, any time you say something like, “Well, your sister did XYZ” or “I never had to say X to your brother” you are creating animosity and sending a message to your child that he or she just isn’t good enough–especially, compared to the sibling. You may think that you are just commenting on … Continue reading →

Oh, That Low Self-Esteem Demon!

I was talking recently with a couple friends and they were trying to figure out what makes “some people” do the things they do—go back with abusive spouses, get involved with “married” people, work at un-stimulating, low-paying jobs, etc. and I felt like I was reminding them of the obvious when I quietly said: “Don’t you think that we get into a cycle of low self-esteem and we just can’t see the forest for the trees? We can’t believe that we actually deserve better than what we are settling for…” Surely single parents do not have the market cornered on … Continue reading →

Allowing Things to Be “Normal”

Sometimes I think the only thing that separates what is “normal” from what is not, is our own personal belief systems around things. I don’t mean to sound like an anthropologist here, but as single parents, we may be holding up the “normalization” of our single parent families with our own belief systems. Maybe if we let go of antiquated ideas or trying to fit into a perfect “Brady Bunch” mold, we can allow our families and our lives to be more normal. Who decides what is normal and what is not? Well, we can blame “society” or the “media” … Continue reading →

How Shame Can Sabotage Our Businesses

Shame is one of those emotions that can do serious damage just about anywhere it pops up. It can keep us from taking risks, feeling confident, and moving forward with relationships and activities. As a home business owner, we need our strength and wits about us and if we let ourselves feel or be shamed in our work–it can be the ruin of an otherwise successful business… I do not mean to sound melodramatic here, but I think when we let ourselves feel embarrassed, disgraced, inferior, or unworthy–we are taking away most of the wind from our sales. Without some … Continue reading →

Quieting the “Should” Voice

From the conversations I have had with other single parents, I know that I am not alone when I confess to wrestling with the “shoulds”–it doesn’t seem to matter WHAT I am doing; how I have carefully organized my time or how productive I am attempting to be, I cannot help but think of all the other things that I SHOULD be doing too (or instead). Even if I am making the best possible decision for the moment, there always seem to be a dozen other things that I could or think that maybe I should be doing… What an … Continue reading →

Uglies – Scott Westerfeld

I have seen this young adult science fiction novel reviewed in countless places, and decided I’d better give it a try. It sounded interesting, but I didn’t expect to like it as much as I did. Tally Youngblood lives in Uglyville. Across the river, she can see New Pretty Town, where she will go to live in just a few short months. When she reaches her sixteenth birthday, she will undergo plastic surgery and all of her faults will be erased. She will be made absolutely lovely, and then she can go live in New Pretty Town, because she will … Continue reading →

Strong Enough to Withstand Judgment

As a single parent, I admit that I do sometimes feel judged–judged by teachers, by my children’s father and his new partner, by other people, and certainly by my own children. The truth is, however, as long as I am doing the best that I can, I also need to learn how to be strong enough to withstand the judgment and be true to myself regardless… I know that for many of us this is easier said than done. I admit that it irks me when I hear that my parenting is being questioned and picked apart by my kids’ … Continue reading →

Wrestling with Identity

If someone was to ask me what I thought a major “issue” is for single parent families, I would have to say that it has to do with identity. I know that people think of things like custody and finances when it comes to single parent families, but I think one of our major tasks—both as parents and as children—is to sort out a new and evolving identity for ourselves that jives with how our family is NOW… We may have started out partnered or married, or thought of ourselves as part of a parenting team. Our children certainly had … Continue reading →

Allowing Your Kids to Teach You

We share a great deal of information here in the Parents blog about how we can provide guidance and parent our children, but as I was writing the other day about playing computer games with my two eldest daughters—I realized how wonderful it is for my kids and for me when they get the opportunity to teach me something… In some ways I think that allowing our kids to teach us something real and valuable can be another way to bond—after all, where is it written that we always have to be the bosses or the ones who know everything? … Continue reading →