Tag Archives: setting limits

Finding a Mix between Warmth and Firmness

We talk a lot about limits and boundaries here in the Parents blog, as well as maintaining consistency, but I do believe that the best of parents have a great mix of warmth and tenderness AND firmness. And, I do think it is possible to be both with our children. Believe it or not, I do think we can be warm and loving at the very moments we are setting very firm boundaries and clear expectations. We do not have to be mean or overly stern in order to get our children to understand that we mean business. Of course, … Continue reading →

Don’t Expect Them to be Thrilled About Boundaries

We talk a great deal about setting limits and boundaries here in the Parenting blog, as well as how to go about setting and adjusting rules. We also talk about those common parenting problems of power struggles and battles of will that can be ordinary life events—not very pleasant, but ordinary. It probably doesn’t hurt to remind ourselves that even when we set the most reasonable of boundaries or limits, we can expect that our children might not be too happy about it! I think the fact that kids balk and complain about parental rule setting is what makes many … Continue reading →

Should Others Have to Endure Our Kids’ Fighting?

Recently, someone told me that she couldn’t understand why her in-laws were so short-tempered with her arguing offspring. While I could understand why this mom had her feelings hurt and felt as though both she and her children were being judged, I could also see the grandparents’ point of view—they wanted to enjoy their grand kids and didn’t want to have to mediate or discipline them. Just like parents, some grandparents (aunts, uncles, friends, etc.) have various expectations of children and various skill levels when it comes to keeping the peace. But, how much, really, should others have to endure … Continue reading →

Don’t Let Yourself Be Manipulated

So, we know that we are supposed to be consistent and firm as parents, but what does that really mean when we’re down in the trenches, trying to fend off the very persistent efforts of a determined child? We can be consistent and still be getting trampled over by our kids (consistently)! One thing to remember is that we are definitely NOT helping our children when we let them manipulate us in order to get what they want. Okay, so what does this mean? How much harm can be done if a child learns that whining gets him a cookie … Continue reading →

Setting Limits Without Causing Resentment

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One of the responsibilities of parenting is setting limits. Unfortunately, setting limits won’t necessarily endear us to our kids. In fact, in most cases it causes a lot of resentment. Dr. Haim Ginott offers parents a way to set limits and lessen the amount of resentment that may follow. If you follow these steps, you should end up with a child who, although unhappy about the limitations you have set, will cooperate. First, recognize the child’s wish and rephrase this wish in simple words. For instance, if you have a “no dating before the age of 16” rule in your … Continue reading →

Setting Appropriate Limits for Your Special Needs Child

Setting limits for our children, especially children with behavioral difficulties, is extremely important. Yet it’s easier said than done. We often reach a point of desperation (“I’ll do ANYTHING to make the irritating behaviors stop”) and so we give in. But this is counter-productive. Setting limits for your son or daughter provides structure, which ultimately makes your child feel safe. Despite what they say with a sniffle and a whine, children crave structure and routine. When there’s chaos in their world, it’s hard to claim any sense of control. And that’s stressful, which creates more chaos. Here are three of … Continue reading →