Tag Archives: sibling relationships

Helping the “Parentified” Child

My last blog talked about children who have assumed responsibilities inappropriate for their age, and now must learn to be children—to trust, to explore, to play, to allow the adopted parent to parent any younger siblings. Most older children go through a “honeymoon phase” with their new family. When newly placed, they greatly desire to please these new adults who have the power to care for them and the hope of a family to offer. During this phase, behavior is generally fairly good. “Parentified” children may be uncommonly good at chores and self-care activities. Conflict in the early stages of … Continue reading →

Disadvantages of Kinship Adoption

My last blog wrote about kinship adoption and its advantages. Of course, there are disadvantages as well. The disadvantages include the muddling of relationships within the family. A birthmother may resent her parents or sibling for being able to raise the child when she cannot. She may have trouble letting go of the parental role if she sees her birth child at the family home or at family gatherings. The adoptive parents may also feel resentful, since they likely did not set out to adopt a child. They may feel that the birthparent’s lifestyle forced them into the situation of … Continue reading →

Promoting a Positive Sibling Adjustment

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My last blogs talked about the difficulties siblings may experience in an adoption and the positives of having siblings in adoptive families. In our experience, my three-year-old was very loving toward his one-year-old sister initially. He would often sigh and comment, “Wow, babies sure cry a lot” (we’d prepared him for this), but generally seemed okay. A few months later, however, he did have a couple of times yelling “send that baby back to Korea!” This was especially hard for us to hear before the adoption was finalized. Afterwards it didn’t bother us so much. I believe one of the … Continue reading →

Positive Sibling Relationships in Adoption

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My last blog discussed difficulties siblings may have when a new child is adopted into their home. This blog will focus on the positive things siblings may experience. My daughter arrived just before her first birthday. My son was almost three. He helped give his sister her first bottle at home. I believe he was actually the first person that she bonded with. She called him “ah-gee”, meaning baby, because the one other child in her foster home had been a younger baby. A great advantage I found to having another child in the home was that it normalized things … Continue reading →