Tag Archives: state adoption

Raining Babies: Birth Siblings

Unsure of whether or not I’d ever hear, “Congratulations, you’re finally a mom!” I would often sulk while in my tub searching my heart, in tears pleading with God, wondering if I’d upset Him in some way that He’d decide not to bless us. I imagined myself (interestingly always with a boy) with a son taking him on nature walks showing him the wonders of God’s creation. I imagined myself tucking him in at night telling him about Jesus. But as much as I imagined these things, I didn’t believe in my heart my husband and I would be so … Continue reading →

Types of Adoption Part Two: Adoption From the Child Welfare System

There are three main types of adoption: domestic U.S. infant adoption, adoption from foster care/state welfare agencies, and international adoption. Adoption through the child welfare system also involves completing a homestudy. The homestudy is circulated among caseworkers looking for families for children. Information about children who are waiting for adoption is also often available through photolistings or directories sometimes called “blue books” which give a basic synopsis of the child’s age, situation, and needs. These are generally children who are in foster care. When a match is made, there is usually a period of transition when the child begins to … Continue reading →

Birth Family and Entitlement in State Adoptions

I just wanted to touch on some thoughts I had relating to birth family, entitlement and communication. These are mostly things I wanted to get off my chest, but I hope someone who needs to hear them will have a better understanding of one adoptive mother’s perspective anyway. Allowing Contact with Birth Family Most parents I know would agree there is often a sense of loyalty within family—even within birth family. Whether or not this is true in any specific case, it’s because of this many adoptive parents are leery to allow much contact—if any, fearing some information, out of … Continue reading →

The Relationship with a Child’s Birth Family

I really can’t speak for the majority of adoptive parents when it comes to relationships with a child’s birth family. Each adoption is so unique. When we adopted through our state, we’d assumed our adoptions would be closed. When we adopted our first son, our adoption was completely closed. We had quite a time searching for birth siblings as a result. Though we know where the birth parents are, for safety reasons we have not and will not pursue openness of any degree. Thankfully because of the information we have acquired more recently from his other birth family, any questions … Continue reading →

Attitudes Regarding State Adoptions: Part 2

In part one I shared some misconceptions and attitudes in regard to children adopted through the state. Here I’ll continue: Our child won’t have that ~ If you’re one of the few parents that gets your dream child that is beautiful, smart, fully compliant, then you best hit the slot machines as you are one lucky person! Parents who adopt older children especially are adopting not just the child, but the needs of the child that have to be addressed. Unfortunately, the state agency is not always aware of these needs prior to placement, either because they never got the … Continue reading →

Attitudes Regarding State Adoptions: Part 1

The following is a list of attitudes and misconceptions people have about adoption usually prior to their placement. I don’t intend to discourage anyone, but it’s important for families to be realistic in expectation. Children aren’t puppies, they’re children! ~ There is nothing wrong with wanting to adopt and know you are giving your child a good home. It’s okay for you to feel good about what you’re doing. But if you’re going to have the attitude that you are “rescuing” this child, you are doing your family a great injustice. It gives implication to the child that they owe … Continue reading →

Things I Wish I was Told about Adoption

I’m not only going to share the things that I wish I was told about adoption prior to doing it, but the things I’m glad I was told as well. Keep in mind this list pertains primarily to state adoptions: • Whether you give birth, or adopt, if you haven’t met the child prior, you really never know what you will get in regard to special needs. • The process of waiting and emotional ups and downs will better prepare you for the road ahead. • Get involved with a support group! Being in one ourselves, my husband and I … Continue reading →

Behavior Characteristics: For People Affected By Prenatal Alcohol Exposure

One of the most important things parents are advised is to be firm and consistent with our children, especially when it comes to behaviors. Natural consequences, time out, and other types of discipline are all common ways parents attempt to teach children behavior boundaries. I have 4 children, and with 3 of them standard, ordinary, logical parenting approaches have been very effective. However, I also have one child who was exposed to alcohol before her birth and suffers from Alcohol Related Neurodevelopmental Disorders (ARND) A physical disability of the brain. For this child parenting is a completely different story and … Continue reading →

Links Between Brain Differences and Behaviors in Prenatal Alcohol Affected People.

Modern medical science has made it possible to understand the structure and function of the brain. In the past, the role of brain differences in relationship to behavior was not well researched. Early articles about minimal brain disorders were met with scorn by people who believed the research was a way to excuse negative behaviors. Today, brain research is allowing us to understand that many behavioral symptoms are actually symptoms of a brain dysfunction. The new research and advanced medical tools we have today, allow us to approach our feelings about behavior very differently. Linking the role of the brain … Continue reading →

The One Reason to Never-Ever Have Even 1 Drink While Pregnant!

…She seems to have a complex pattern of behavior and cognitive abnormalities. These issues become more and more apparent as she grows up. Her behavior is inconsistent with her developmental level. For the past three and a half years, it has been blamed on her background and environment. She was, after all, an abused child who became my adopted daughter at the age of five-years-old. Her background and history was the original explanation for these behaviors and cognitive abnormalities. Her diagnosis reads like a cup of Alphabet soup! It has been one acronym upon another, stacked up like a brick … Continue reading →