Tag Archives: state adoption

Finally Finalized

When starting out our adoption journey, my husband and I found the waiting to be difficult. One moment we needed to submit documentation right away to be processed, then in another moment, we would find our selves waiting wondering if we were forgotten. We believed once we had our child in our home, the waiting for finalization wouldn’t be hard. When our first son was placed in our home, I can’t explain the joy we felt in becoming parents! We had waited 19 months from the day of our first orientation class, for the placement of our son. There was … Continue reading →

At Least–3 Reasons Not To Drink While Pregnant.

We met our children in January 2003, at the time they were 5 years, and 1 year old. We were excited to be adopting siblings and both were beautiful healthy children. Even our adoption worker took a close look at the children and commented on the fact neither appeared to have any of the signs for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, FAS. FAS is the medical diagnosis for symptoms of prenatal alcohol exposure. The criteria for FAS are specific and represent the most extreme end of a continuum of effects on unborn children. We reviewed and understood what signs to look for … Continue reading →

Reflections on Adoption

Had someone told me one day I would grow up, meet a nice man who I’d marry, would willingly go through state adoption; that our children would be born to mothers who were unstable and our kids would have challenges likely as a result, I would have told them they were crazy! Years ago I believed that the only people who adopted were those who couldn’t have children of their “own”. I’m not sure if going through pregnancy and childbirth is harder than adoption. I can’t even say for sure that love for a child who’s been adopted is different … Continue reading →

When the Honeymoon is Over

Not everyone who adopts retains the euphoric feeling that often comes after the news of being selected or matched. These feelings sometimes diminish even before meeting the child due to fear and anxiety of the unknown. Many of these fears subside upon meeting the child. Honeymoon periods vary in each situation. Parents go through their own honeymoon phase as do their children sometimes. With my first son, the excitement lasted about 8 months until it really hit me that I was a mom and found myself caught up in everyday life. With my youngest son who was technically foster at … Continue reading →

The Kids through State Adoptions

Contrary to the stories, concerns and fears you might have read about online, most of the kids adopted through the state that I personally know about are genuinely well adjusted and happy. Many potential adoptive parents become scared off after reading an adoption forum site or watching television. Before becoming resistant to state adoption, there are a few things I’d like you to know: 1. Adoption forum sites typically have posts by parents seeking support and information rather than raving about their wonderful and beautiful children. In other words, people with happy and normal lives don’t always sit and talk … Continue reading →

Request of Medical Information from Birth Father

As child number 7 born to my son’s birth mother is currently in state custody, I have decided to take the opportunity to inquire about medical information on the birth father that is allegedly the birth father for 6 of the 7 children. In the past, the state has been unable to obtain reliable information on him. As our son is getting older, we are having more questions about the medical history and hope we may get some of these questions answered soon. Dear (Birth Father’s name withheld), I am the mother by adoption to your 4th son (our son’s … Continue reading →

Standing Out at a Committee or Staffing

Every state or county seems to run things slightly different. When choosing a child for a family, a committee might meet; this may be referred to as a staffing, or a case worker may choose. Our state of Oregon, like many others, holds a committee. When a child is ready to be adopted, our state will choose three families that have inquired about the specific child. The family’s case worker will represent them in front of 3 committee members. If you are chosen for committee, often it’s against families that are equally capable of caring for the child. If you … Continue reading →

Advocating for the Rights and Needs of Children and Young People.

Advocacy is speaking up for someone, something, or fighting for a cause. It is a process of negotiation to assist in having rights and needs met. Advocacy can take many different forms. There’s individual advocacy, citizen advocacy, systems advocacy, parent advocacy, self-advocacy and cause advocacy. Every time you stick up for a child or relay information about what has happened for a child, you are advocating for that child’s rights. Every time you make a suggestion for improving playground access for a child with a disability, you are advocating for the rights of people with a disability. Every time you … Continue reading →

Please Relinquish Letter

I don’t believe I’m in any kind of position to send this letter, but it’s been weighing on me. The birth parents in reference are extremely dysfunctional and likely will not retain rights to their child. They will probably drag the case out leaving the baby in foster care for a longer time—time that could be spent bonding with his new mother and growing up with his birth siblings. Dear (Birth parents names), I am the mother by adoption to your 4th son (our son’s name). Even though the kids have been adopted into different homes, we are so glad … Continue reading →

This Is Not What I Signed Up For

If you have read the short story by Emily Perl Kingsley called Welcome to Holland, you might have a peek into the feelings of a person who has learned their child has special needs. I distinctly remember telling our adoption case worker that we didn’t want a child placed that was hyperactive or violent. When we finally got our son, he was only over a year old and we weren’t able to determine what kinds of special needs would arise. I learned early on he had a temper problem. He would get very angry with his toys when they wouldn’t … Continue reading →