Tag Archives: the ex

Take a Deep Breath

I have a confession to make. I give great advice, but I haven’t been following it lately. I’ve been letting the stress of life get to me. So much so that I had a major melt down last night which in turn led my body to tell me to quit it. How does my body tell me this you ask? I woke up with a cold sore. I had never had one of these until I met my ex-husband, one of the many negative things he passed along. But now, whenever I let the emotional stress consume me I inevitably … Continue reading →

Things Married Friends Do That Annoy Single Parents

Over the years many of my friends have been guilty of at least one of the annoying habits listed below. Although they’re famous for trying to make me feel better, help out, and be supportive, at times they can do the exact opposite. As a single parent, have you run across any of these situations? Friends Who Ask About Your Ex Whether you’ve been divorced for six months or six years, for some reason I always run into friends who want to know how my ex is doing. Since we didn’t part on the best of terms, I honestly don’t … Continue reading →

A Single Mom Looks at Father’s Day

In all honesty, I have some ambivalence about Father’s Day. While I definitely still remind my kids that it is coming up, they are old enough now that I have stepped out of the loop when it comes to being overly assertive in trying to help them do something for their dad. In fact, I pretty much leave it up to them other than mentioning that the day is impending. There are some great fathers out there. I have heard tales and I know there are plenty of people on this site who are constantly commenting about having the most … Continue reading →

Sudden Power Struggles with the Ex

Things may be going along nicely in your co-parenting relationship; you may have worked out a communication style that suits the both of you, you might even get along with your ex’s new partner and everyone seems content and well-adjusted. Suddenly, without warning, tempers flare and you find yourself in and power struggle or dealing with long-buried old issues that have shown up again. What can you do to diffuse the situation? I have learned to expect “flare-ups” during times of stress or transition—when the kids entered high school, for example, or with the current graduations. Any time you are … Continue reading →

Can You Share Concerns Safely with the Ex?

Communication with the Ex is a big challenge for many divorced and separated parents. We talk about it fairly often here because it can be such a huge problem. What can we talk about? When? And how best should we go about it? If we are in a situation where we are co-parenting and sharing custody of the child or children, then we need to be able to communicate with each other. Unfortunately, many divorced and separated parents feel like they cannot share their true concerns about their children for fear that it opens them up to criticism or that … Continue reading →

Why does it Bother Me when the Ex Refers to the Kids as Ours or His?

We all have our triggers. I find that even though years have passed (or maybe because years have passed) and I have put my divorce and my former life comfortably behind me, I still have some triggers when it comes to my children’s other parent. One of the things that irk me is when he refers to “his” kids or calls them “our” kids. Isn’t that a silly and obvious thing to be getting all worked up about? Alright, so I don’t really get “all worked up” about it, it is more like the grating of fingernails on a chalkboard. … Continue reading →

When the Ex is Self-Absorbed

There are many of us single parents who are divorced or separated who may not have the highest of opinions of the “ex.” We might be convinced that he or she is all sorts of awful and has multiple personality deficiencies—some of which may or may not actually be true. One of the complaints that come up again and again by single parents of both genders is that the other parent or the ex is “self-absorbed.” What does this actually mean and what can we do to make communication more successful? A self-absorbed person is self-focused and believes or acts … Continue reading →

When Kids Call Complaining from the Ex’s House

It is not uncommon for kids from divorced or separated homes to try to play one parent (one household, family, etc.) against the other. As parents, however, it can be hard to figure out what is fiction and what is fact. Also for parents, it can be extremely upsetting and disconcerting to have to hear the complaints and issues that arise at the “other house” and wonder what one is supposed to do from a distance… I generally subscribe to the philosophy that each parent should be allowed autonomy of his or her house and that things that happen at … Continue reading →

What About When OTHER People Say Negative Things About the Ex?

We single parents know that we are supposed to refrain from bashing our exes in front of the kids and I know we have talked a bit about it here in the Single Parents Blog—but what happens when our friends or family members say negative things about our ex, the other parent, in front of our kids? How should we handle it? Should we defend, ignore, set a firm boundary? It can be an awkward situation… For me, this didn’t seem to be much of a problem when my children were younger—people just seemed to understand that it was inappropriate. … Continue reading →

Different Ideas About Boundaries

I have probably had to over-compensate in the boundary department with my “side” of a post-divorce family due to very different ideas about such things with my children’s father. Believe it or not, I have only been inside his house once and I am constantly having to remind him that he cannot come in my house when I’m not home. And, we have been divorced for YEARS… The other day, my kids were sharing with me how at the other house, they “joke” about my strong boundaries. I think they said that folks over there actually say “boundaries! Boundaries!” in … Continue reading →