Tag Archives: understanding

Requirements for a Good Spouse- Part 2

Yesterday I looked at some of the requirements of a good spouse. I’m sure you’ve thought of others. We could add understanding and thoughtfulness. It is often those thoughtful little things our spouse does that can make all the difference to a day. It might be the unexpected phone call just to let you know they are thinking of you or little gift they thought you might like, something that just reminded them of you. It might be planning a special evening for just the two of you when they know you’ve had a hard week, or picking up a … Continue reading →

Using Stories to Help you Parent

For centuries, tribes of people have used stories as a way of teaching values, sharing history and information, and even teaching children about the world around them and the role they are expected to play in it. As a parent, we too can use stories to help us to guide and teach our children and stories can also be a way of injecting some fun and humor into your parenting. While you can find children’s books about just about any and every topic that might come up in your household—and books can be a great way to introduce ideas and … Continue reading →

“Let me See if I’m Understanding You…”

Communication challenges are not the sole domain of the single parent, to be sure, but I know that developing strong bonds of communication has been a priority for me with my kids. Even though we are not always together (or because we are not always together) and as my children have gotten older, making sure that I am teaching them about good communication and developing my own skills has been important. One of the things I have learned (and it took several years) was how to clarify and show them that I am listening and hearing what they say without … Continue reading →

You May Still Have Bad Days

Maybe it has been a while since your divorce or separation or some other major life-altering experience? You may have spent a lot of time, effort, and personal work getting your life on track and, on the whole, you are feeling pretty darn good about where your life is as a single parent taking care of a family. Even those of us who feel basically happy and in control of our lives can still experience bad days. It can be a little scary and if you have weathered a particularly depressing or challenging time, a bad day dip might make … Continue reading →

Can We Have More Tolerance?

We have talked before here in the Parents Blog about the role and importance of patience in parenting, but we have not spent as much time talking about “tolerance.” I am not talking about tolerance on a societal or community level–but tolerance and ability to show acceptance in our own homes with our own children. Some parents can get confused about the difference between tolerance and leniency. There is a difference between healthy and reasonable tolerance and having loose boundaries. It is one thing to allow our children to misbehave and disobey rules and curfew, and another to accept their … Continue reading →

Expect a Certain Amount of Self-Interest

A huge part of parenting is trying to figure out why—why kids do what they do, why things are happening the way they are, and why the dynamics within the family are playing out the way they happen to be playing out. One thing that I have learned over the years is that sometimes our child’s motivation is really just basic self-interest. As parents, we might try to overcomplicate things when it comes down to the reality that the child is really just trying to do what he wants to and what he thinks is best and right for him! … Continue reading →

Don’t Try to Talk Them Out of Feelings

Can there be anything more aggravating than having someone try to tell you that you are not “really” upset or that you are NOT actually feeling the way you know yourself to be feeling? And yet, as parents, we often do this to our children. We negate their emotions or try to convince them that things cannot be nearly as bad as they “imagine” or that their feelings are wrong, inappropriate or inconvenient. What sort of a message is this sending to our children? Our children need to learn how to identify and claim their feelings and they won’t be … Continue reading →

Why Force It?

I hear from parent after parent who wants to know how to “force” a child to do something that he or she doesn’t want to do: force to take formula when he prefers breast milk (or vice versa), force to go to bed at a certain time, force to wear a certain type of clothes, force to play a specific sport or do an activity that he or she doesn’t like. I cannot help but wonder why all of these parents are working so hard to force something and wondering whether it is in the best interest of the child … Continue reading →

Do You Need to be More (or Less) Logical?

While I have always had a strong vein of logic running through me, I think I have become somewhat more detached and appreciative of logical reasoning as I’ve gotten older. Meanwhile, with three kids of very different temperaments, I have also had to learn that some respond well to logic and others need a little less of it… The truth is, some kids respond really well to logic. This can be challenging for a parent who is a little more on the intuitive or emotional side of things. These kids need to know the cause and effect of things and … Continue reading →

Is There Really a “SHOULD” Here?

As adults, many of us spend years of therapy and personal growth work trying to get rid of that gnawing “should” voice we have inside. You know the voice that tells us what we ought to be doing and how we should make more of an effort, do a better job and what we should and should not do. In our parenting, we might be passing on that “should” voice to our children. It might be helpful to ask yourself whether or not you are sharing “shoulds” when you really don’t need to… I know it can be hard to … Continue reading →