Tag Archives: understanding

Are They Really “Unreasonable” Fears?

Somewhere around two years old or so, many children seem to suddenly develop what we parents think are “unreasonable” fears. A happy-go-lucky child will suddenly cry every time mom or dad leaves his sight, a favored stuffed animal or toy will become scary, or other strange and unnamed fears will pop up. As parents, we may vacillate between concern and frustration—what on earth is going on?! In truth, all sorts of developmental things are going on that contribute to these very real fears. Our children start to develop an imagination and have enough life experience to contribute to imagining and … Continue reading →

Dating a Single Parent? Flexibility and Ability to Roll with Things a Must

Many of us didn’t start out as the most flexible people on earth—I know that by nature, I tend to like a fair amount of order and structure in my world. I have had to learn as a parent how to be true to those character traits, while being completely flexible and able to roll with the unexpected and the unplanned things that go down in a typical family. So, it might seem unreasonable to expect that those people we date, if they do not already have children, to be flexible and open to the unplanned and unexpected, but even … Continue reading →

Modifying Behavior-Lesson 2: Trial and Error

The first lesson in learning to modify behavior was getting to “know thy pet”. Which I tried to better explain in What it Means to Know Thy Pet. To illustrate both Lesson 1 and this next lesson, I’m going to use the example of an unwanted behavior I had to deal with last year: Tabby banging on the blinds. Step 1: Applying Lesson 1 – Why the Blind Bashing Ceremony? No one likes to be awoken in the wee hours by a cat determined to figure out how to make it past the blinds blocking her view out the window. … Continue reading →

Patience and Empathy Go Hand-in-Hand

The more stressed we single parents get, the harder it can be to “keep our cool” with our kids (or even with friends and coworkers). I find that when I remember to foster some empathy, it just naturally helps me to be more patient. Remembering that we all are in the same boat and putting myself in my kids’ shoes, helps me to find more patience in my parenting and other personal interactions. Patience can be tough to muster! Just last night, I was preparing to settle in after a long day—work with one job, before working on another, and … Continue reading →

Imagine Things from Your Child’s Perspective

Most of the time, I think of myself as a fairly level-headed and reasonably evolved person and I can usually figure out what is going on for ME when it comes to family life and interactions with my kids. I don’t’ always do such a great job of seeing things from their point of view. When we are at an impasse or a standstill or my kids are behaving in ways that don’t really make a lot of sense to me, I find it helps if I can get myself to imagine what things might look like from my child’s … Continue reading →

Understanding that Customers, Clients and Colleagues Do Have a Life

Getting irritated at the behaviors of our clients and customers (not to mention colleagues and vendors) may seem like it comes with the work territory of running one’s own business—but it doesn’t have to be that way. I think it helps us to remind ourselves that other people really do have a life and while some of their choices might be inconvenient to us—they are normally not intended to be personal or mess up our schedules and lives… If you hear yourself saying “Why are they doing this to me?!” chances are things are out of perspective. I was talking … Continue reading →

Compassion

When I was writing about appreciation earlier, I realized that the sister to appreciation, and something equally important in the life of a single parent is compassion–compassion towards ourselves, our children, our exes, even those people who are seemingly out to make our lives even more difficult. Nurturing and fostering compassion can make a huge difference in the life of a single parent. I thought of compassion, I think because this was a real big stumbling block for me back in the early years after my separation and divorce and when I was working to rebuild my life. The person … Continue reading →

Encouraging or Demanding?

So many things in life are divided by a fine line–being aggressive and being assertive, for example. When it comes to parenting, there are countless behaviors and choices we make that can cross that line–authoritative can become pushy and tyrannical; concerned can become obsessively smothering; and encouraging our children can cross over and become demanding and overbearing. So, how do we walk that line and keep our parenting comments helpful and not hurtful? How do we keep our own issues under control so that they don’t seep over onto our children? How do we keep our boundaries in tact? I … Continue reading →

Think of Childhood (and Parenthood) as a Journey

It is easy to think of things that happen with our kids–behavior issues, events, developmental stages–as isolated events. We can get lured into thinking of them as something to deal with in the moment or something to check off the list. But, in reality, childhood and parenthood both are long journeys. Keeping an eye on the long-term can help keep us from getting bogged down in short-term difficulties and challenges. I know that most of us know we are in this parenting thing for the long haul and that we have committed to our child for a life time. But … Continue reading →

As a Parent, Are You Overly-Sensitive? (Or Not Sensitive Enough?)

I have a tendency to take things personally–or at least I used to. I imagine that twenty years of being in the parenting trenches has toughened my skin a bit. Now, I occasionally feel as though I am lacking sensitivity and being a big too jaded when interacting with my kids. I suppose the goal is to achieve some balance between being sensitive to our children’s feelings and needs (and our own) and not being so sensitive we are unable to make objective choices and decisions. We can become overly enmeshed with our children and so sensitive that we take … Continue reading →