It’s all his fault, if he hadn’t done ( fill in the blank), we would still be married, my kids would have both of their parents and I would have my happily ever after. Instead I’m raising three kids by myself, with barely enough money to pay the bills, forget about anything extra while he is off gallivanting with his girlfriend of the week.
Sound familiar? Even some of it? Most of us have a divorce story. Some of us initiated the divorce but even then there is more than enough blame to go around. In my case, my ex husband was mentally abusive, had a drug problem, and was something of a womanizer. So, yes, I have a story and yes, sometimes I think, if only he hadn’t, then we could have and I would still…..
They say hind sight is 20/20 but really, all this blaming story says is that I wish I hadn’t known the truth so I could have continued to wear my blindfold and live this lie. That is not really what any of us truly want, and we know it but still we have this bitterness and carry this big grudge with us everywhere.
Whether you realize it or not that grudge you carry is affecting everyone in your life, even if you never say it out loud.
Grudges cause anger and anger held inside can be more destructive than anger expressed. You may struggle with dating, because you expect everyone to do what your ex did. You may be standoffish to the men at work, because you can’t trust men, even your boss and coworkers. You may be short with your children or punish them more than necessary when you feel they are acting like their father.
Let it go. Go stand on the top of a hill and scream all the hate out of your heart. Throw water balloons. Throw darts at his picture, write down all the mean things he did and throw them in the fireplace. Tell a picture of your ex all the things he did to you that were wrong. Yell, scream, call him names, away from the children and only to a representation of him.
Then, take back your power. Learn to love and trust again. You must do this to allow your heart to heal and to bring joy back into your life. You must do this for your children so they will grow and love and trust.