To read what I have written about single parents and dating, you would think I am a curmudgeon and down on the whole scene. I really am not at all, I am just a bit seasoned from years of living and single parenthood. One of the things I do believe about single parents and dating is that a person can really take advantage of the status of “single hood” to figure out what he or she really wants or needs in a partner, and in their life as a whole.
We don’t need to be in a big rush to “partner up” and find someone–despite what all magazine articles, our relatives, and those well-meaning friends have to say on the matter. I know there is plenty of pressure that comes from both external sources and our own internal discomforts that tells us we need to right our “wrongs” and get about the business of finding someone to couple up with. But, what is so bad about taking plenty of time to evolve on our own and do some hard thinking and evaluating about what we want and need?
To tell you the truth, what I want and need has changed over the years. In fact, I look less and less to external people and things to meet my needs anyway and have become increasingly confident in my own abilities and capacity. Also, as my kids have grown, my life is ever-changing–now, as I look forward to the next ten years it will involve launching my kids into adulthood, the college years for them, more independence on my part, and possibly grandchildren. For me, that needs to factor in as I keep my eyes and heart open for that elusive possible someone.
It isn’t just about figuring out what someone else can do for us either, we get to take the time to think about what we have to offer and what sort of a partner (if any) that we would like to be. I think we single parents tend to think of things in terms of the “other”–who and what we need for OUR lives, but it is a good time to think about what we and our family can bring to someone else’s life too. That way, as we are meeting people, we can be a little more objective and patient through the meeting, dating and selection process.
Also: Please Don’t Tell Single Parent to “Stop Being Picky!”
No Bars and Dances (Thank You Very Much)
What is Wrong With Not Looking?