As parents, I think we often feel like we need to be “parenting” all the time–we need to be on, involved, wise, and “in charge” of what is going on in our families and with our children. In reality, it is often helpful just to take a back seat and observe. You can learn a great deal about your child just by sitting back once in a while and watching what is going on.
Observation is a skill–it is as much a part of communication and understanding as verbal expression and listening are. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve realized something important about one of my children when I wasn’t really trying to–when I was driving the car pool, or sitting and waiting and watching during a soccer practice. It takes some effort to quiet our parenting inclinations and try to be an objective observer of our child (alright, I don’t know if I can ever be completely objective). Try just sitting back and watching how your child is dressing, talking, acting; who he is hanging out with, what he is doing in his spare time; look for new interests or the return of old ones–there are so many things you can learn just by observation–think back over times in your life when you’ve sat in the back of the room or stood off to the side and observed a situation or circumstance instead of jumping right in–you probably were better able to assess just HOW to get involved after your observations.
Another thing that observing your kids can do for you is build trust. It might seem strange, but if you take the time to be quiet, and truly observe your child–you will get to know them better and your child will feel as though you truly care. It is this understanding that helps to sustain trust during the tough times. If your child knows that you can really “see” him or her as a separate, interesting individual–it will help to keep communication alive.
Also: Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say
The Three C’s of Effective Communication
How Well Does Your Family Communicate?