I have mentioned in previous blogs that time-out has not been an effective solution in my disciplinary arsenal. Today I heard about a technique called Taking a Break, that’s similar to time-out but may be more effective. Parents are encouraged to look beyond the child’s behavior in order to get at the root of the problem as well as help kids to make changes in their inappropriate behavior.
Unlike time-out, the child determines when he returns from the designated break spot. When an inappropriate behavior occurs the child retreats to the spot and is encouraged to calm down, think about his behavior and return when he is ready to discuss his inappropriate behavior and to work on a solution for making sure the behavior does not reoccur.
During the break, the child must go away from any family activity and is not allowed to talk to anyone until he is ready to discuss his behavior with the parent(s). Parents will generally be able to tell when the child has calmed down and is ready to talk by his posture, facial expressions, etc. Although, the child determines the length of time of the break, you may have to stipulate a break of at least five minutes if you notice that your child returns too soon without having calmed down, or without any discernment about his behavior.
Once the break is over, the parent(s) and child should sit done and discuss the unwanted behavior and together work on a solution to help the child change. Again, this is different from time-out where most kids do the time and then return to their regular routine. In most cases they haven’t really learned or accomplished anything. Sometimes I think the time-out is more for the benefit of the parent than the child.
End each session on a positive note. Once, you have talked about what went wrong and have come up with a solution to stop the behavior from reoccurring, have something positive to say to your child. Let him know that you believe he will do better, for instance. Give your kids lots of encouragement so that they will want to try to do better in the future.
See also:
Setting Limits Without Causing Resentment
Are You Really Modeling Appropriate Behavior?
Are You Punishing Yourself Along With Your Kids?