None of us are born knowing how to be married. It’s something we have to figure out. We come into our marriages with the ideas we gained by seeing how our parents handled their marriages, and sometimes that’s a good thing, and sometimes it’s not. With divorce rates what they are, and even what they were when we were growing up, not all of us were raised in two-parent homes, and those who were often saw discord that wasn’t handled well. Sometimes we learn more about married life from television than we do from reality. We don’t always have a solid foundation in what it means to be married.
It’s natural to want to ask others for advice, especially when we see a couple who has been together for a long time or who seems to be particularly united. It’s good to take those bits of wisdom and see how they will work for you, but there’s one thing to keep in mind. Because we’re all individuals, we won’t always have the same results as our friends Susie and Joe. We’ll find different ways to strengthen our relationship that work for us.
Several years ago, a friend and I were having the same problem. I shared with her the solution that had worked for me, but when she tried to implement it in her own marriage, it didn’t work at all. It’s not that my idea was bad—it was just not the right way to solve it in her own instance.
So listen to advice. Sift through it and see what feels right to you. A lot of it will be helpful, and some will be kind of in left field. Some will be downright wonky. But you’ll know what is right for you in your situation. No one knows you and your spouse like you do.
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