One of the easiest ways to hurt your spouse and damage the sense of trust in your marriage is for complaints or ugly words that you have said about your spouse to get back to him or her through another person or persons. We all have complaints and it’s common to share them with friends, extended family members, or just to “think out loud” in front of others or even the kids when stressed. However, we really do need to be careful. It is much better to approach your husband or wife yourself than for him or her to hear it from another source.
If this situation has created a problem in your relationship, apologize sincerely. Let your spouse know that in the future, you will discuss any problems openly instead of behind his or her back.
Another thing you can do is make sure you only “gossip” about the good things your husband or wife does. Share the nice little things she does or the great meals he cooks. Say nice things to friends, family, and even your children if you have kids, and keep private matters and problems between you and your mate. When bragging gets back to your spouse from another source, that’s a good thing. It shows the one you love that you appreciate him or her and that you tell other people. It shows your mate that you are proud to be married to him or her.
When your spouse no longer hears bad stuff, but starts hearing good things and sees that you are more open in communicating about problems, he or she will begin to trust again. Your communication will better and your marriage will be stronger, so try to avoid the temptation to talk negatively about your spouse to other people.